The Homeschool Journey

The Frustrated Two Year Old

As part of Christopherus Homeschool Resources' Ten Year Anniversary celebration (2003 - 2013), we have opened a special online venue, Waldorf at Home Conversations, from March - September 2013. Each week Donna  chooses 3 questions or suggestions for conversation and posts them together with her initial response at which point the conversation begins and all members are invited to participate. The threads will stay open until new topics are chosen for the following week.

While we encourage you all to join in the conversation directly on the forum, I will be posting some of the more popular topics here on the blog, as well. The first topic is one that most everyone one of us can relate to: The Frustrated Two Year Old.

Even though my youngest is now 17 years old, I can vividly recall her toddler reactions to situations that didn't quite go her way. While searching for a photo to accompany this blog post, I was unable to find an image of a toddler in full melt down mode ( and who wants to see that anyway?!) However, I did come across a photo of my youngest just on the verge. Grace had just spent approximately 30 minutes meticulously peeling a hard boiled, Easter egg only discover that it did not have the chocolate center that she was expecting. There she is on the left mere seconds before a melt down. Oh, where was Donna then?!

  ~ Leigh

Forum Question:

My daughter (age two and a half) becomes very frustrated when something she's doing isn't "working" for her, such as putting clothes on her stuffed animals or trying to zip something open/closed. She will scream and throw the toy, sometimes bite at the toy or object (she doesn't bite people or other children), cry, scream for me to help her, etc. This is all fine and to be expected, to some extent, of course, but my problem is, I have absolutely no idea what to do! By responding and helping her, am I encouraging her unpleasant (screaming/demanding help) behavior? I have been making her say please and speak more pleasantly before I help her, but maybe this is asking too much of her? I don't want her to feel that frustration must be suppressed, but how do I encourage pleasant behavior?

 

Donna's Response:

Ah, the pain which one experiences between what what one wants to do and what one is able to do....something that is just part of life and manifests in a myriad of different ways as we grow! How wonderful it is to strive beyond one's limitations - but the real trick is to learn to cope with the frustration of not being able to manage to do what one is unable to do. This takes experience, maturity and time.

A two year old really has none of these things - one might think she "has time" but at her age, she has no real concept of time. A 2 year old lives in the eternal now - she wants it NOW! Her now is not the same as the desirable "living in the present" that a mature, calm and self aware adult strives for!

Your job, as always, is to keep calm and not get into "her stuff". It is very tempting to feel a child's frustration (whether at 2 she cannot mange a zip or at 9 cannot mange to throw a baseball). It is of the utmost importance that a parent learns how to keep her own stuff completely separate from that of her child's and not get into her child's frustrations and angst. Her job is to learn that the material world is full of challenges - your job is to be a peaceful "holding" presence (not necessarily literally) as she learns.

This job is so much easier for those parents who have children who are generally calm and matter-of-fact about what they can and cannot do. For those who have children who seem to spend all their time screaming and clawing their way against all the things that they cannot mange (yet!) then this job is exhausting and at times demoralizing. I can guarantee you 100% that it does get better - she WILL move through this. But for now.....here is a wonderful opportunity for you to develop your spiritual practice of being calm, in the moment and not entangled with your child's frustrations.

So what to do? First - remember to breathe. Always take a deep breath (and perhaps count to 10) before going over to see what's up (unless there is some danger involved). Smile. Say something warm but neutral like "oh dear". Taking a leaf from the Non Violent Communication folks (whose work I admire and dislike in equal proportions) you can calmly name what is happening "Oh. That zip just doesn't want to zip does it?" Sit down next to her or continue to stand (no hovering though. Just be.)

At this point (if you are lucky) your warm presence will have acted like a balm on your child and she will have calmed down. If so, it could be right to say "Let me help" and move your hands toward her. If this illicits outrage or anything like that, withdraw your hands but not your warm presence. Let her rage, let her scream at her zip. She will eventually figure out that this is not going to work.

At that point you might make your offer again or you might just let her be. It's a hard call to make. The main thing is to do what you do from calmness and peace - never from anxiety and "am I doing this right" - this will just ignite the flames under a raging child as she will sense this! A little one needs adults who are calm and certain - they need an unruffled mother hen - never a "oh dear what shall I do" presence! The former is the strength that they need to push against whereas the latter just breaks up under their rage - and this is very, very scary for a child.

Regarding manners and such: I am a real stickler for children being respectful to others, especially parents and adults. The way to wonder and engagement with the world and the development of true autonomy is via respect, not via outrage and rudeness. No parent should ever be a punching bag (literally or figuratively) and things like "please" and waiting one's turn to speak or to pass the food and so on are all vital parts of self respect and respect to others.

However, your child is 2. She is not yet on the way toward being an 'I' - soon, as she moves through her third year, the first (the very first!) steps will occur in that direction. Over the next 10 years you will have ample opportunities to help her become social and a joy to be with (which children have to learn - it does not come naturally - though what I mean by 'learn' is world's away from what moralizing nagging people might envision!).

At 2 (and 3 and 4 and 5 and 6) the main job you have is to model behavior for her. This is an active gesture of saying things like "thank you" for her and never saying things like "say thank you" which makes one want to curl up in embarrassment. Until she can start to feel into a situation, until she can start to know how it feels to be thanked and so on, one cannot expect a child to do this herself. Of course, some children can be taught to parrot this - but any sensitive adult can feel the difference between that shy murmured (or loudly exuberant) 'thank you" and one which is mumbled out of habit. But to say thank you is the right thing - so you say it for her! (and please and so on).

It is unpleasant to be screamed for and it should not be encouraged. However, when your 2 year old is in the midst of a fit of frustration over not being able to fit her stuffed animal into its clothes, this is not the time to say things like "I will come when you use your quiet voice". The child is too far gone to be able to respond! This is a sure recipe for heightened frustration - or, perhaps worse, the child's dawning realization that her feelings are not taken seriously. This is big stuff for her!!! She is totally 100% involved in this scene with the doll or zip. She is way way to young to be able to step back from being in the situation - and that is what one wants in a small child, to be totally immersed and engaged in what she is doing (much more pleasant when it manifests as totally being one with climbing trees or examining the contents of a closet or so on.....but there you go! )

So no, you don't want to encourage her to scream for you but the best way to counter this is for you to be calm and at another time, when she is not in a rage, to say something about quiet voices or how we speak to one another. Having said that, again, 2 is so young that there is little point. It is what we DO not what we SAY that is most important when we are with under 7's - and the younger they are, the more this is so. And even more than that, it is what we are inside (which of course they are totally aware of) which is even more important. Imitation, imitation, imitation - and surrounding the child with what is Good, Beautiful and True. Works 100% more effectively (and authentically in terms of fostering true inner freedom) than moralizing or telling a child what to do. (and I'm not suggesting that you are moralizing! )

So breath, be calm and find non aggro times to help your daughter learn by experience and imitation how to interact with other people.

Relating to Anthoposophy

At some point in one’s early explorations of Waldorf education, one will surely come across a host of   unfamiliar terms and concepts relating to anthroposophy. My intention in this short piece is to take a brief  look at the essence of anthroposophy and to hopefully interest people in looking further.

One place to start is with a quote by Rudolf Steiner on the yearning felt by those with whom anthroposophy resonates:

 Anthroposophy is a path of knowledge to guide the Spiritual in the human being to the Spiritual in the universe. It arises in man as a need of the heart, of the life of feeling; and it can be justified only inasmuch as it can satisfy this inner need. He alone can acknowledge Anthroposophy who finds in it what he himself in his own inner life feels impelled to seek. Hence only they can be anthroposophists who feel certain questions on the nature of man and the universe as an elemental need of life, just as one feels hunger and thirst.

So it is a yearning, a feeling that impels a man or woman to seek what lives deep within the soul and to find its echo in what lives in the cosmos. Anthroposophy is a path of inner and outer knowledge, of finding that bridge between the macrocosm and the microcosm.

Thus anthroposophy is not a religion, though to those who confuse religious practice with a spiritual path, this can seem disingenuous. It’s about God, they protest. All this talk of angels and that picture of Mary in the kindergarten mean that it is religious.

No – anthroposophy is not a religion or religious practice though it can inform and enrich both. Angels and Mary, the Mother of Jesus, are spiritual beings which all human beings can relate to. They do not necessarily point to a religious orientation, though of course they are important to religious people. Anthroposophy can help us deepen our understanding of Mary and of angels.

Of course, those who have no time for the understanding that what is material is simply a manifestation of the spiritual – that every human being, like everything in our living world, is imbued with spirit – will of course reject anthroposophy straight away.

For others, difficulties arise elsewhere. The word itself can pose problems – many people with a wry smile declare it unpronounceable. Others work out how to say it (and may also make the effort to spell Rudolf Steiner’s name correctly as well!) and keep an open heart and mind to the possibilities. Others fiercely declare their lack of interest or even opposition. Anthroposophy, it seems, can often call up strong reactions in people.

And yet, if one looks at what the word actually means, this becomes a puzzling phenomenon. Anthroposophy simply means “knowledge of the human being”  (anthropos: human being; Sophia: knowledge). What is there to argue with in that?

So it is unlikely that the meaning of the word – or even Steiner’s longer description above – cause offense. More likely, people gather their negative impressions of anthroposophy from things they’ve read or people they’ve met. Weird and wonderful notions about everything under the sun abound on the internet, of course, and while one can discover great stores of knowledge, one can also be sucked into a whirlwind of disinformation, half truths, lies and malice. Anthroposophy, dealing as it does with the most profound inner and cosmic wisdom, is especially vulnerable to such obfuscation. Its scope is too vast for it to be readily pinned down into simple (or simplistic) rules and formulations and thus it takes effort, good will and more than a little patience to get to grips with it. As for meeting with difficult anthroposophists – what can I say? It takes all kinds!

And back to our primary division – that between those who understand the reality of spiritual world and those that don’t or won’t – this is of course a place where one encounters irreconcilable differences. Unless they have a great deal of tolerance and openness to that which they have no experience of, those who have no relationship to a spiritual path will find the very existence of anthroposophy to be baffling or distressing. Much hostility to anthroposophy has its roots right here. We live in a grossly materialistic age and for many, many people something like anthroposophy is not just to be avoided, but to be fought against, sometimes vehemently.

Other people who do have a spiritual or religious life (especially those whose religious life is anything but spiritual.) find difficulties with anthroposophical research into karma and reincarnation. Usually associated with Eastern religious thinking and experience, both, however, are also part of the larger tradition of human spiritual development, including Western Judeo-Christian thought. However, like much of the essence of spiritual knowledge, such understanding has, over the millennia, been obscured or denied. There may have been very good reasons for this in the past, but one of Rudolf Steiner’s central tasks was to reawaken knowledge of karma and reincarnation within Christian esoteric life.

Here is a clue to how many people can find a relationship to anthroposophy: by examining their thoughts about esotericism. Over the years, when asked by people whether the work of Rudolf Steiner is compatible with their religion, I have developed the following answer: it is not whether one is Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or Christian that matters; it’s whether one has a relationship to the esoteric core of one’s own religion. For it is there, in that esoteric core, that world religions (including forms of paganism) meet.

In this core we find universal cosmic beings who have, at different times, brought great gifts to humanity. All of these beings – Moses, Zarathustra, the Gautama Buddha and Christ Jesus – can be approached by and understood by modern human beings. Anthroposophy can be a great help in such a task.

Further, anthroposophy can help us when we turn, for instance to the education of children or to caring for the Earth. With the former, we can learn to understand how each human being carries within a picture of the changing and evolving consciousness of all humanity over the millennia and how, by learning how this manifests and unfolds in each child, we can best help that individual fully incarnate on the Earth and realize his destiny. This is what underpins Waldorf education (listen to my free audio download entitled From Myth to History: The Changing Consciousness of the Human Being on the Christopherus website for more).

And when it comes to stewarding the Earth with consciousness and love, anthroposophy can help us  understand how cosmic rhythms can be harnessed to enhance and heal the patch of earth that we are caring for. This is what underpins biodynamic agriculture and gardening.

So these are a few thoughts that I share with you about anthroposophy. Anthroposophy is what informs our Christopherus curriculum but I should hasten to say that no one who uses our or any other Waldorf material or who sends their child to a Waldorf school is expected to be an anthroposophist. But it is always a healthy practice to be informed about what one is entering into! And as a homeschooling parent – as any parent or teacher - it is you that will be guiding your children out of what lives within you. Tools such as our curriculum and books can help foster and inform what you do. But at the end of the day, you are the core.

And so it is worth having a good think about what lies within that core. What are your thoughts about what a human being is and how s/he relates to the spiritual and material worlds? What is human development all about? What is the point?

Anthroposophy – knowledge of the human being – can be rather handy as one seeks answers to such questions. It is based on observation, experience and knowledge. And if human beings really are spiritual beings, if there really is a spiritual world which the material world is but a manifestation of, then it follows that an awful lot of experience, observation and knowledge, to have relevance to the human condition, must also be spiritual. Which means that it is “supersensible”, i.e. not available to us by material means.

So we can read what Rudolf Steiner and other anthroposophists say. And most importantly, we can develop the means whereby we too can become aware of the spiritual worlds and access the wisdom there. This can be a long and daunting process but inner development, no matter how paltry the results might seem to be, is never a waste of time. You may go down roads you never knew existed, you may come up against walls you did not expect and you might plummet depths you thought impossible. But you will never waste your time.

Of course, what is most rewarding is that the more one works on one’s inner path, the more one can connect to the larger spiritual world. The still small voice within, once heard, brings the possibility of access to voices of Divine Beings. Microcosm and macrocosm form one metamorphosing unity.

To help you on your path, here are a few links from our own website:

Rudolf Steiner: A Sketch of his Life and his Work

This article by William Ward on Is Waldorf Education Christian is helpful.

As is Denis Demanett’s article on the religious experience of small children.

And beyond:

Daniel Hindes has very informative website which is helpful for the dispelling of weird rumors and nonsense that one hears about Rudolf Steiner, anthroposophy and/or Waldorf education.

SEKEM is an amazing project in Egypt which arises out of anthroposophy, combining biodymanic agriculture, Waldorf education and anthroposophical art as well as anthroposophical medicine and which also has a relationship to Islam.

The Goetheanum is the world center of anthroposophy and through their website, you can see some  of the scope of anthroposophical work. The website has sections in various languages.

Those of you interested in how anthroposophy has enriched Christianity might like to look the website for the Christian Community. 

 

 

Painting and Drawing in Waldorf Schools: Class 1 – 8 by Thomas Wildgruber

A Review by Donna Simmons

There was great excitement in the Christopherus office when a great, fat envelope from Floris Books arrived. I was in town visiting the office and Leigh and I had just sat down with some coffee to review sales reports when the mail came. Eager to see what offering Floris had for us, we tore open the envelope.

A beautiful, brightly colored massive tome of a book spilled out. With full color illustrations on every page, beautifully designed and laid out, this book looked perfect. Could it be that this was the much sought after definitive guide to both painting AND drawing through the Waldorf curriculum?

I can tell you, I was seriously thrilled. I am always on the lookout for books on Waldorf art techniques and have been repeatedly disappointed over the years by a number of seemingly promising resources. Having found the most wonderful guide to Waldorf modeling through the curriculum (which is probably the single most therapeutically important book we sell, an absolute must-have for every child’s healthy education) I am always hopeful that I will eventually find the same such magnitude of wonderfulness in a book on painting and drawing.

Well, I haven’t found it yet. Wildgruber’s book is an absolute aesthetic treat and enormously inspiring to leaf through. But once one begins to read it carefully, the problems begin.

For starters, the translation from German is more than a little rough, with some annoying non-English usage and sentence construction which, especially if one is unfamiliar with the subject matter, is terribly confusing. The text is full of “anthroposophical in-speak”, words and phrases that those who are not well versed in anthroposophy will find meaningless. Like a term paper written by an unprepared college student hoping to convince his professor that he actually knows what he is writing about, the over-use of quotes breaks up the already uneven flow of the text and leaves one wondering what the author actually has to contribute himself on the subject. And, unfortunately, it would be a help for any reader of this book to have a fine arts degree in order to really understand it. The opening sections are on art theory and although they appear promising, including interesting artistic exercises to work with, the explanations and discussion of themes are very poor and will undoubtedly confuse more than enlighten., though the actual how-to-paint-this-picture exercises which follow the curriculum are straightforward.

And there are definitely very good features as well. Many homeschooling parents will find the sections on form drawing, for instance, to be both useful and inspiring. I personally do not agree with the extent to which Wildgruber encourages his students to color in their forms. I am of the “less is more” school of form drawing, feeling that the therapeutic benefits of the forms lies in their unembellished starkness but there are many who do not agree. And I can live with colored-in form drawings.

However, what I cannot live with is Wildgruber’s use of very detailed and formed figures in first and second grade drawing and, far worse, painting. This goes right against the therapeutic approach we take at Christopherus Homeschool Resources. Like Leo Klein, master Waldorf teacher who travels the globe instructing Waldorf teachers and parents in watercolor painting, I firmly believe that young children, until about the 9 year change, should not work with formed pictures, but should have as pure an experience of color as possible each time they reach for crayons or paints. To work with detail and form is too intellectual – the images are fixed, concrete, finished. In order to nurture and enhance their feeling life and ultimately, their ability to think originally, the artistic experiences that they have in their first 9 years should be as flexible and open as possible. As I have said in many places, for young children, what is not on the paper can be as important as what is actually there –  the more one brings them into detailed drawing and, God forbid, detailed painting, the less this can be so. The product, what is created materially, becomes more important than the inner experience the child is having. And this is a serious pedagogical mistake.

As for the letters, the pictures the teacher supplies to the child are meant to be imaginative indications, giving life to the abstract qualities of the symbolic nature of the letters themselves. Rudolf Steiner’s own examples which he gave to the first teachers of the school in Stuttgart, Germany were very bare indeed. Like classic Waldorf dolls, the child fills in the details with his own imagination.

I am belaboring this point because it is part of a trend which I am becoming uncomfortably aware of. Just as the sanctity of early childhood is under threat even in the world of Waldorf, what with all-day kindergarten and early grades, as well as pre-k for tiny ones, so the therapeutic basis of Waldorf education is being lessened in other areas in the schools. There is no denying the beauty of Wildgruber’s work and beauty itself can, of course, be healing. But especially now, especially in the time of the domination of digital technology, something which effects our children no matter how carefully we shelter them, we have to be absolutely resolute in our conviction that the actively therapeutic benefits of Waldorf education be strengthened and never weakened. Precocious intellectualism is never, in any way, of benefit to children and it is important that all educators consider this in the choices they make for the children in their care.

Having said all this, by the time Wildgruber gets to the older grades, I start to relax a bit and even get pretty excited by the fantastic sections on perspective drawing and black and white color exercises. For these alone, the book is worth having as there are so few really good Waldorf resources on these subjects. Wildgruber develops the themes of perspective and contrasting color in grades 6 through 8 in a marvelous way and there are some excellent examples of projects that one can do with one’s child at home during these grades.

So my verdict? Forget it if you are new to Waldorf homeschooling. Stick to the art resources we carry; Form Drawing for Beginners, Painting with Children and Painting in Waldorf Education.

         

But if you are feeling confident and, especially if you have an older child, I would definitely recommend Thomas Wildgruber's Painting and Drawing in Waldorf Schools: Class 1 – 8.

Ten Years - The Christopherus Story

It’s hard to believe that ten years have passed since Christopherus Homeschool Resources came into being. Ten years ago I was living with my family on a hobby farm in northern Wisconsin, milking goats and hosting homeschool groups. Ten years ago my sons were 3rd and 5th graders, schooled at home. Ten years ago I was patching together homeschooling resources, mainly using conventional materials and drawing on my own experience as a Waldorf teacher. Ten years ago I  was meeting with a group of Minnesota homeschoolers who seemed to be tying themselves into knots trying to create mini Waldorf schools at home, using a beautiful and inspirational but not entirely homeschool-savvy curriculum…

And it is from this that Christopherus sprang – from my own, and others, homeschooling experiences. I can pin it down to a day, one I clearly remember. I had been ill and was lying on the couch, leafing through a conventional homeschooling resources catalogue. Appalled by the mediocrity that was on offer, I kept muttering to myself, ‘I can do better than that; My goodness – look at that...I can do better than that'. ‘Hey’, I realized, ‘I really CAN do better than that!’

 

I was already teaching writing classes to local homeschooled youngsters and had decided to branch out and do this via snail-mail and email. This program, YoungWriters, had some success. I worked with a number of children but eventually  realized that I simply could not get past the lack of face-to-face relationships with my students. Too much of my teaching is based on the relationship formed – and when I later taught in a Waldorf-flavored high school, I realized that nothing is more important in teaching that the relationship between student and teacher. How else can a teacher gauge when to push and when to let go? How else can she know how to pitch a lesson, what context – both in terms of previous lessons and the child’s personal life – to draw from? And how can trust be built, that trust that enables an unwilling student to take a risk and undertake an assignment because he knows that it is important to his teacher – even if he can’t (yet) see its importance himself. And so, I as much as I enjoyed the YoungWriters program, I started to  move in a different direction.

Thanks to the gift of a computer from my folks – before that we had been a TV and computer-free family (though we continued to keep the children away from the computer until they were in their teens) - I had been on Kytka’s list (hands up all of you old Kytka’s veterans!) and then the fabulous WE-HS (Waldorf Education Home School) yahoo group. Eventually, I needed to create my own list (just as Melisa Neilson later split from me) which was a great success and eventually had over 4,500 members from all over the world.

I then began to write curriculum materials, spurned on my requests from people on my yahoo group and from homeschoolers who began to consult with me. Drawing from my (then) 20+ years of both teaching and homeschooling experience, I created a series of books for the Wadorf homeschooler.  From Nature Stories to Natural Science was our first title and the first book we sold – to a woman in Northfield MN who later hosted a conference with me.

Conferences soon took off. The first was in Houston TX, hosted by a friend who used to work at NASA. Because of her connections, I took my then 12 year old son, Gabriel, who was interested in space flight. After the conference my friend took us on a tour of NASA, which was great though the real highlight for Gabriel was the non-stop 2-day monopoly game he played with my friends’ sons during the conference itself! Coming from a family where board games were taken up with great sighs of martyrdom by all but Gabriel, this was as close as heaven as my boy could get!

Other conferences followed – I keynoted at Rahima Baldwin’s conferences in CA and CO; and over the years I spoke in MI, IN, TX (several times), GA, WI, IL and more. My last conference was in June 2011 – a week-long Christopherus conference in Chicago. It was brilliant, really wonderful. But conferences are not so big any longer – between the availability of so much on the internet (though so much is also very dubious) and the impact of the economic downturn, few of us really do conferences any longer. However, in recent months, I have been speaking on child development and the 12 senses here in the UK . This has been so well received that Christopherus is considering a conference in at our home base in Viroqua, WI this summer.

Back to the story at hand: In 2008 my family moved to Viroqua WI, a town with a Waldorf school and a Waldorf high school initiative. My youngest son attended the former for a couple of months and both sons went to the latter for a couple of years. I taught part time at the high school and also taught high school classes in my home, especially when my youngest boy came back to homeschooling.

During these years the most significant Christopherus development was the creation of our curriculum. Originally, we poo-pooed the idea of a ‘set curriculum’, having one foot in the so-called ‘Waldorf unschooling’ camp. But, because of persistent and strenuous requests for a curriculum and because I worked out how to create such a thing which was flexible and adaptable, the Christopherus curriculum was born. At the same time, my foot in the unschooling camp became uncomfortable as I learned more and more about the therapeutic basis of Waldorf education – and as I studied not only how my own sons grew, but how children I knew over the years matured (we offer an audio download on Waldorf Education and Unschooling in which some of you might be interested).

Another important part of the ‘Viroqua years’ was the Waldorf at Home online forum. This was an intimate group of homeschoolers who were able, largely because of the way I held and nurtured the group, to talk in meaningful and deep ways about homeschooling, parenting and self development. And my efforts were made possible only because of the wonderful support I got from a brilliant group of women. May I pause for a moment and thank – once again – Lisa Marshall, Barbara Benson (hi Barbara – I know you’re reading this!), Karen Petz, Serina Lopez, Carrie Dendtler and Catherine Forest. My love and gratitude continues to flow to you all and I am filled with warm fuzzy feelings when I think back to our time together on the forum!

Of course, the other hugely significant change to Christopherus (and the reason I am able to be sitting here in Scotland writing this) was the personnel change that took place. My husband, Paul Newton, who had turned what I had written into books, run the website, created our accounting system, sent out orders and did all the thousands of jobs required of a home business, went off to become a priest of the Christian Community. And in his place came Leigh Anders - friend, neighbor, comrade-parent-of-teens and all around amazing person.

Leigh remains in Viroqua, where she steers the helm of Christopherus, keeping it going. No – more than just keeping it going. She is now in a position where she has initiatives and ideas which, over the years, will mean that CHR has some new directions and new possibilities.

Leigh is assisted in her work by her eldest daughter, Nora. You can think of Nora when you open up any packages you receive from us as it is her job to process orders and get them to people in a timely way. And if you have our 4th and/or 5th grade curriculum, you will see examples of Nora’s early work sprinkled throughout!

And so, dear readers, that is the brief history of Christopherus. We're ten years old! Imagine that! And what is most wonderful to me is the fact that a good number of you have been with us since the early days. Your children have grown up with us. What a humbling experience that has been for me – and for Paul and Leigh – as, year after year, we would see some of the same names coming back for more books from us. And of course, from time to time some of you have written comments on this blog – what a joy it is for me to read your names. ‘Oh I remember her ’ ‘Can her son really be 13 now? – but she just bought the second grade curriculum for him…Was that so long ago!?!’ ‘Yes, that’s a familiar name – I even remember her face from the conference in…’ And so on.

I would encourage any of you who would like to share your Christopherus stories with us to please, please do so – in recognition of our 10 years of service to the Waldorf homeschooling community, wouldn’t it be fun and inspiring to read the stories of ‘old timers’? And you newbies, full of fresh enthusiasm, are most welcome to also join in! So write your stories here in the comments or send them to the office - enquiries@christopherushomeschool.org - and we will find a good place to put them on the website. Photos of children or art projects of anything relevant would be brilliant!

To start off our tenth year, we're giving away ten copies of our very first publication, From Nature Stories to Natural Science. This book is a Waldorf homeschooling essential for both families using a Christopherus full curriculum package or those pulling together their own resources for a DYI approach. To enter a random drawing for From Nature Stories to Natural Science simply post a comment below. The drawing will be held on January 31st.

Here's to ten years!

Donna

The Newtown Tragedy : A Simple and Ongoing Response for our Children

We are so very grateful to Kim John Payne for sharing  this article about parenting, teaching and caregiving in these challenging times.  Click here for a printable copy to share with friends.

 

By Kim John Payne, M.ED
& Davina Muse, LMHC

An opportunity for us as parents and caregivers to offer our children a reassuring and loving presence in the days and weeks ahead 

____________________________________________ 

 

Your children may encounter others this week who know more about the tragedy in Newtown than they do, from direct exposure to media or from overhearing adult conversations, or from other children.

 

They may come to you for more information, explanations, clarifications…this seeking to understand and integrate may take some time. This is an opportunity for parents and teachers to offer wisdom and loving presence, to meet each child in the way he or she needs to be met. Please consider the age of your child and how any of this information may impact him or her – as their parents you are the best expert on how to protect and strengthen your own children and your family. They need our reassurance that most people are good; our loving presence and deep quiet listening may be more helpful than a lot of explanations. Children can, and do, work things out for themselves according to their own abilities, over time, in the warmth and calmness of adult presence.

 

However, if your child either has not heard about this terrible event or has not taken it in, it may be best to “let it be,” knowing that when your child does want to speak about this, you will be ready. You may be wondering about your child having heard about this and not speaking about it. For the younger child, we encourage you to watch your child’s play very carefully. For the older elementary aged child, usually the signs to watch are more in their behavior and attitude. Both play and behavior may be a guide to what is going on inwardly for your child.

 

Orientation

Simplicity Parenting has, at its core, pathways that give direction for everyday family life. However in moments like these they also provide clear and deep orientation for a child who may be in need of reassuring warmth and safety.

 

Soul Fever

Parents will want to observe their children even more lovingly and carefully than usually, if the children have been exposed to a lot of information about this tragedy. Some children may come with difficult questions; others may act out what they can’t integrate, in play. As much as possible allow this, so long as it is safe. You will want to adjust your family life – by simplifying – if your child seems stressed or anxious, nervous and generally soul-fevered.

 

Behavior

Some children may become a little more challenging to you in terms of their behavior. What they are likely doing is looking for your warm but firm boundaries. It is tempting to “cut them some extra slack” at this time. However, loving boundaries, perhaps a little more gently applied, will help them feel safe, as they reinforce the way that your family defines itself. Also, a special note about transitions like bed- to- dressed, home-to-school, or play time-to-dinner time…These can tricky at the best of times but in potentially anxious days like those that may lie ahead, try giving extra time for transitions. Previewing ahead of time how the transition is going to happen and what you expect may also be helpful.

 

In General…

For more extroverted children… they may act “out” a little more and push the family envelope. They may be more provocative towards you and siblings.

For introverted children… they may go inward and become a little quieter or perhaps get stuck or stubborn.

 

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Filtering Out Adult Concerns

 

We recommend – urge –  that children not be exposed to news reporting on screen or radio, or adult conversations about this event. Young children do not really grasp that repeated announcements are about one single event. Each time they hear a news report or overhear an unguarded adult conversation, the risk is that it sets off a brain based “cascade” of fight-or-flight hormones which can significantly delay their healing.

What to Filter In…Alternatively, reach into your store of favorite family stories. Tell the familiar beloved stories of Grandpa or Grandma, or maybe some from when you were little (especially the ones where you were naughty). These old stories are familiar and deeply securing to a child.  

 

The filtering out mantra applies here more than ever. Before you say anything in front of your child ask yourself three simple questions.

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

Unless your instinct gives you a very clear “yes” to each of these questions, chances are it is way better to defer the comment until your child is not present.

 

Rhythm

It may help to light a candle or do some other simple ritual so that children have the understanding, “There is something we can do to help.”  Make sure that bedtimes are especially regular, slow and peaceful, so that children have plenty of deep sleep in which to process what has happened in the day. And finally consider strengthening the rhythms that you already have in family life. In these kinds of situations familiarity brings safety. Rhythm quietly and invisibly says to a child, “There are things I can count on. All is well here in this family.”

 

Scheduling

Children may need more time with parents, more down time, in the next few days and weeks. If your child seems upset by the tragedy, be prepared to quietly, without explanation, simplify your schedule, in favor of more family down time and togetherness. You are in charge of the safety, health and peace of mind of your family! Children do not easily process emotional upset when they are kept busy. This might seem counter intuitive but distracting and detouring a child away from upset, risks having them circle back to the source and can bring about a very difficult loop of prolonged feelings of uneasiness and even upset.

 

Environment

A simple, beautiful, calm bedroom or play space, and home, will help all children to play more deeply and to be at peace. Play outside can be especially helpful. Try to keep the toys, books, clothes a little more tidy than usual. On a deeper level this helps a child have a sense of orderliness in their world, just a time when this is needed.

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How to respond to questions?

Our deepest longing for our child is that they feel safe.  Talking about “safety” may very well raise the question within the child, “Why are they talking about safety? Is it because I am not safe?”

 

By being gatekeepers and protectors we can create a reassuring environment and atmosphere in which children can feel safe.  This may well be more effective than talking about safety, even in reassuring ways.   

 

However, if you feel the need to respond with words, very simple answers to children’s questions, can be given, without going into detail or long explanations.  This may help your child best to integrate this difficult experience in a healthy way.  

 

Here are some guidelines that may help in case you find yourself at a loss to begin with:

 

When speaking…

Be sure to use language and words that you know your child already understands, so that he or she can easily absorb what you say. Speak in your normal familiar voice.

 

If you are asked a question that you are not sure about how to answer, give yourself time, “That is a big question, honey. I’ll think about that”. As the day goes on, assess whether the child still needs an answer. Many questions that children have come and go, and may not actually need answering by us. Often just speaking the question or comment to you, and knowing you have heard them is enough for our child. Sometimes they may find their own satisfying answers in play.

 

What you could say… 

• “Sometimes – almost never – bad things happen… everyone is very sorry about this…. and there are lots of loving people helping those families now.”
• “It is hard for any one to understand this… and we can help by sending our loving thoughts/ prayers to those families.”
• For the younger child…”You will understand this better when you are bigger. Right now we can send our loving thoughts to those families. We will light a candle for them this evening…”  

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Many faith communities are offering guidance to parents and families, based on their own particular world view. You may want to ask your faith leaders for support if you have questions they could answer or recommendation reading.

 

Please use the www.simplicityparenting.com blog as a forum to share children’s questions and responses that seemed to be helpful to them, to help other parents.

 

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Kim John Payne is the author of Simplicity Parenting, Games Children Play, and the soon to be published Beyond Winning With Whole Child Sports.  He is the Director of The Simplicity Project.

 

Davina Muse is the Director of Simplicity Parenting Group Leader Training and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a specialization in Family Counseling.

Hello from Edinburgh! - An update from Donna

Greetings All!

 Here I am, in cold wet Scotland, my new home. As many of you know, my husband is a recently ordained priest of The Christian Community, the Movement for Religious Renewal inspired by the work of Rudolf Steiner. His first assignment was for 6 months in a large church in Stroud, England. Now we are in our permanent (as permanent as these things ever are) home in Scotland.

 These last 6 plus months have been a time of renewal, readjustment and reflection for me. Not only did I leave Wisconsin where I had lived quite content for the last 12-odd years, but I have now returned to the UK, where I had met my husband many years ago, where we had lived for many years and where our sons were born. I have also faced the reality of being a “empty nester”, as our sons, now 21 and 19 have left home, one to live in the UK, the other to live in the US.

Other changes for me during this time were my 50^th birthday and big questions about the next phase of my life. Though my husband is the ordained one, I am also deeply involved with our church and have many thoughts about what direction that will lead me in. I have considered returning to teaching – maybe in a Waldorf school or perhaps in the public sector. Or maybe I could be a youth worker again – which was where I originally started and where, I think, I am able to be so flexible in my approach to working with children. When one is a youth worker, one never knows what the day will bring. I have worked on several city farms in this capacity and one would never know how many children would turn up, what their ages would be and what their needs would be. Factor in working outdoors, with all the possibilities that the weather, loose animals, the arrival of the blacksmith, a fence needing mending and so on might bring…..very exciting work!

So I could do that….and there is a city farm not far from where I live….and there is a Waldorf school where I could perhaps teach. Perhaps I could set up a parent/toddler group like the one I ran almost 20 years ago in Sheffield, England. Or run parent education workshops. I could focus on homeschoolers – the movement is pretty small here in the UK but it exists. Or what about at-risk teens? I worked with delinquent girls in a group home (last stop before jail) in Wisconsin. That was amazing work and there’s always a need there…

So many possibilities. Oh – and what about Christopherus? Ah yes, my dear Christopherus. Well, these last months I have not written a word for Christopherus – not for the website, not a jot for a new or revised book. I have been on sabbatical, having a bit of a rest. As Christopherus Homeschool Resources is 10 years old this spring, I felt that this was a well-deserved rest. Ten years! Can you believe it? Wow. And I know that some of you out there, some of you dear people are “old timers” from those days, perhaps old members of WE-HS and then the former Christopherus yahoo group. Many of you have had children who have grown up with Christopherus. And what a privilege for me it has been to create materials for your use, to aid you on your homeschool journey.

But things do change. I no longer homeschool. And I haven’t done much teaching in the last couple of years (although I will have two 10^th graders here from Wisconsin this spring who I will be teaching “The Geography, History and Literature of Scotland” – stay tuned for those adventures which I will share with you!)

Back to Christopherus.  Aside from the fact that I have been invisible and incommunicado these past months, none of you will most likely have noticed that anything has changed here (and I say “here” rather loosely!).  This is due to the formidable skills of Leigh Anders, Leigh-in-the-office, as she is known (well, to some of us…). Leigh has ensured that everything has run smoothly, that customers get the help they need, that books are sold, the website runs smoothly, bills are paid…..and so on and so forth.

Leigh will continue to run Christopherus Central, from our home base in Viroqua, as always. And I will, slowly, slowly, get back into things. I am planning on updating a number of publications and writing a few new ones. There will be more from me in the monthly newsletter, The Homeschool Journey. And we’ll see what else happens!

So for now, I wish you all the best and hope that your Fall term has begun well and that Christopherus, as always, can continue to provide help and support for your homeschooling and parenting needs!

Blessings on your homeschool journey,

Donna

Beginning a Sucessful Homeschooling Year

The first month of homeschooling, especially for new homeschoolers, can be challenging. Sometimes the carefully laid out plans of summer seem to go awry in the face of actually teaching the main lesson material to your children. Here are a few tips to keep the new homeschooling year on an even keel. 

•        REVIEW

Most homeschooling parents have a good idea of what they hope to accomplish with a child in a given main lesson block and are eager to proceed. Summer break has been a great out breath for everyone. When implementing a main lesson plan after the summer, however, it is often necessary to review skills from the previous year before plunging into the new material. You will quickly find out, especially in areas like math and language arts, how much your child has remembered and internalized. Brush up and review skills as necessary so that the new main lesson material will be presented on a firm foundation.

•        FAMILY RHYTHM

During the first month of homeschooling, it may take some time to adjust to a good homeschooling rhythm  after the summer break. This is natural. However, if you don’t find your family moving into a harmonious rhythm after two to three weeks, then the family rhythm needs to be examined. Are there too many extra curricular activities outside the home? Are the children unable to do their daily help around the house in a reasonable way? Do they or you seem unusually fatigued or upset? Is anyone overly resistant or reluctant to homeschool? These are all signs that the family rhythm needs to be adjusted. Look carefully at the transition points in the day and see where things can flow more easily. Try to balance each day with in breath and out breath activities so the children feel balanced within themselves.

•        PACE AND ORDER

This point is closely linked to rhythm but it has more to do with fine tuning the actual pace of a homeschooling lesson as well as organizing the materials needed for the lesson. Make sure that you have a clear outline of the main lesson month and week in hand. Be sensitive to how the previous week of homeschooling went and fine tune and make changes in next week’s presentation to be more effective.  Don’t try to race through a lesson to “catch up”. Go at the pace that works for you and your child. Even with a two day homeschooling rhythm, children need to sleep on and internalize material overnight. This is still true with older children in areas like science.

Also check that all your supplies for a main lesson are available and easy to access and put away neatly. The room where you teach should be well organized, even if that space is the kitchen table!

•        BE FLEXIBLE

Sometimes the order or content of a main lesson needs to be changed. If something isn’t working, then be flexible enough to look at it closely and see what needs to be shifted. Perhaps it is just a passing moment. However, it could be that the approach to the material needs to be adjusted to better fit you and your child. This is especially true when teaching multiple children. It could also be that the order of main lessons in your yearly schedule needs to be adjusted to fit the realities of your current homeschooling schedule. Being flexible enough to make changes while still creating a predictable and harmonious family rhythm is one of the great challenges and skills of successful homeschooling.

 I wish you all a peaceful and productive homeschooling year.

Blessings,

Barbara

 

Barbara Benson is the mother of five homeschooled children, the   youngest of whom is currently (2011) a sixth grader. Barbara has had a   long and fruitful relationship to Waldorf education, as she has sought   to adapt it to her home and to the needs of her very different children -   who include a pair of twins and two girls adopted from China. She has   worked with Rahima Baldwin and Barbara Dewey. She is also very involved   in the general homeschooling scene, and has worked as a volunteer   homeschooling liaison for the state of Indiana. You can read more about  Barbara and our consulting services here.