The Homeschool Journey

On Illness, Fear and Time

In the past few weeks there have been several cases of whooping cough in the town where we live. I have watched how this illness has been received in our community. And I have been dismayed by the amount of fear I have seen.

Why do parents of strong, healthy children fear whooping cough? Why do health professionals make dire warnings shrouded in gloom, causing fear and distress? Why are we too scared to step back a moment, to take stock and assess the reality of the situation?

Can whooping cough kill? Yes - but very, very rarely. Its main victims are the very old, the very young and those with a compromised immune system, like people with AIDS. Far more children get killed every year - every month - in this country in traffic related accidents than die in a decade of whooping cough. And yet the risk factor from cars is an accepted part of our lives - but the risk from an infectious disease is not.

Why not? Is it that cars and roads and school buses contribute to the everydayness of our lives and so we do not stop and think much about the risks? And might it be that an illness such as whooping cough disrupts our lives, causes chaos, makes us have to adjust? By its very foreign nature, its "otherness", disease is scary. By its ho-hum acceptability, its foundational place in our lives, the risk of injury and death from cars barely even registers in our consciousness. A few figures to chew over: in the year 2002, there were 18 deaths in the entire United States due to whooping cough - in 2000 there were 37,526 traffic related deaths (Sources: the Center for Disease Control and the US Department of Transportation).

And yet disease does not have to be viewed only as an intruder, an interloper, a stranger. It can also be viewed as a guest who carries a message. The receiving of this message might be difficult, be unpleasant. There might be pain or discomfort. But there does not have to be fear. We can learn to accept illness and to listen to the message it carries and thereby learn an enormous amount about our bodies and our very selves.

I had a serious illness about two years ago - I am unsure of the diagnosis as I decided not to go to the hospital, knowing I would accept neither intervention nor medicine. Why waste my time and the time of the doctors? Further, I knew that once I stepped onto that path, I would be surrounded by fear - and that fear was the last thing my ill body needed.

So I stayed home - and was in bed for about 6 weeks. And then I graduated to the couch for about 2 or 3 months. I had a lot of time to think and one of the things I thought about was time. Time and healing. Time to heal. Healing time. I thought about words like "convalescence" and I thought about how one can come across passages in books written 50 or 100 or more years ago where there are references to "he was better by the Fall" or "she took all winter to regain her health" or similar. And I was struck how no one speaks in these terms anymore. People want to get better NOW. Healing, convalescence, seems old fashioned, even dangerous.

Back to whooping cough, I wonder how much of parents’ fear has to do with the idea of a child being ill for weeks, even months. This is not something we come across these days and one might even think that such a long time being ill is somehow neglectful. And who has time these days to nurse a child back to health? Quarantine is inconvenient - staying home to keep a baby away from others who might be ill is a nuisance. Our lives are so busy, so stretched it can seem inconceivable to be able to do such things.

Antibiotics and much of conventional medicine promises quick results. Like the elusive and much sought for magic bullet to cure cancer or AIDS, antibiotics promise a no fuss cure. Get your child tested, get her on antibiotics for 5 days and presto - good as new. No more disease.

And no more messenger. No time for that child and her parent to listen to what that illness has brought and to allow her body to develop the ability to heal itself. When I was able to listen to the messenger that brought my ill health, I came up with a whole new career for myself and my family, working as a consultant with Waldorf homeschoolers. It was extraordinary how this unfolded and how things fell into place. And as I healed, I was able to follow this new path. And as I followed the path, I healed.

Children can grow enormously after childhood illness, especially those involving fevers which literally burn off "stuff" and allow new physical, emotional, spiritual and intellectual capacities to flower, much in the same way a prairie fire clears room for new and healthier plant growth. As a youth worker, teacher, parent educator and parent, I can’t tell you how many times I have seen this happen.

When a child - or adult - is allowed, without fear, to grow in this way, the possibilities are boundless. Teachers recognise something new in the child that rejoins his class, colleagues and friends see shifts and changes in an adults’ patterns. A community which embraces illness without fear can grow together - and along these lines I’m afraid I don’t buy the "taking antibiotics is socially responsible" line. I see the mass and indiscriminate taking of antibiotics to be potentially socially damaging. The overuse of antibiotics in this country contributes every year to the death of hundreds - perhaps thousands - of people in hospitals and other care facilities where virulent antibiotic resistant strains of bacteria have grown and multiplied. According to Dana Ullman MPH, a respected homeopath,

Alexander Fleming, the scientist who discovered penicillin, cautioned against the overuse of antibiotics. Unless the scientific community and the general public heed his warning, Harvard professor Walter Gilbert, a Nobel prizewinner in chemistry, asserts ‘There may be a time down the road when 80% to 90% of infections will be resistant to all known antibiotics.’

Whooping cough can be a serious illness - but it is also an opportunity for growth. In healthy children and adults, with the right support of homeopathy or herbs or other health- supporting instead of illness- suppressing methods of healing, it need not be feared. Let us strive to hear - and not shoot - the messenger.

See A Homeopathic Perspective on Infectious Disease: Effective Alternatives to Antibiotics, Dana Ullman http://homeopathic.com/articles/using_h/inf_disease.php

On Boys and Toilet Paper

What is it about boys - and men, eventually - that makes them unable to change rolls of toilet paper? This is a question I often find myself contemplating as I am yet again confronted by a naked toilet paper roll, its replacements still smugly stacked on the shelf, their ranks undiminished. Occasionally a few tattered ribbons of paper have been left, an offering that fails to fulfill its role.

 

When we moved here to our new house, I embarked on redecorating the bathroom with great enthusiasm. I even chose a toilet paper holder which is simply an arm held up, over which a roll may be neatly and quickly slipped. Perhaps, I thought, the complicated nature of the average American toilet paper holder, the kind where one has to squeeze both ends together simultaneously and slot the roll-holder, clad in a new jacket of toilet paper,  into the little grooves, had confounded male minds. I had even hoped that the supplicatory pose of the holder arm would prompt boys (and a grown up boy, too) to remember to keep it filled. But alas - the toilet paper still does not get refilled.

 

How is it that male minds can learn to use a computer from across the room but cannot learn to change toilet paper or remember which shelf the cups go on? How is it that one of my sons - or one of their male friends - can hear me muttering over some computer glitch and come over saying "here" and with a few deft clicks of the mouse solve my problem? And yet those same males cannot find laundry baskets, will stack dirty dishes atop clean or be utterly baffled by the intricacies of vacuuming a couch?

 

I am not sexist. I do not value men and boys more - or less - than women and girls. But as someone who comes from a heavy duty feminist background (I did go to Sarah Lawrence College, after all), has also spent time trying to understand traditional images of gender differences and, most importantly, has spent 20 plus years working with real boys and girls - not examples in textbooks - I can still catagorically state that (drum roll, please) girls and boys are really different from one another. No kidding! And it ain't just down to socialization, cultural expectations or parenting choices (all of which can of course play a role). How is it that daughters of feminists will pine for pink Barbies and sons of pacifists will gnaw their bread into gun shapes in lieu of a toy gun?

 

What is the mysterious source of these deep, deep gender differences, differences that transcend race, religion, ethnicity and economic background? Herein lies material for several dissertations - suffice to say that, through working with anthroposophy, I feel better able to understand brief glimmers of these differences. I work hard to try and understand where, out of the intertwined physical-spiritual sheathes that make up the human being, arise these amazing gender differences. And it is certainly not a question of pre-determination, of "this is what makes up a male, this is what makes up a female". Rather, it is a graceful interplay between the male and female in both women and men and it is more a case of tendancies toward, rather than a set-in-stone picture of, what is male and what is female.

 

I try to remember this as I stare at those empty toilet paper holders or contemplate the mess in the living room ("what mess, Mom?"). I love the men in my life and seek to honor and value the differences that male and female bring to the human experience.

 

Which doesn't mean that my men folk get away with not changing the toilet paper rolls!!

 

 

 

But Is It Waldorf?

Here's my one week progress report on the journey back home by my younger son, Gabriel. A couple of entries ago (eeecchh - sounds like items on a menu) - er, a couple of blogs ago? - no that's worse - anyway I recently wrote here about the fact that my 12 year old has returned home from a brief stint at school. Last week was our first week of homeschooling since he went to school in March.

 

Last week was also the week of teacher/parent meetings at the local Waldorf high school where I teach part time. So it was pretty hairy. I knew that I'd be in and out everyday, what with meetings and a teacher in-service meeting, I'd be all over the place. So what to do with Gabriel?

 

Having been homeschooled for most of his life (he was only in school for a few months) he's been well trained. Even when I was around all the time, I have always been busy - in recent years, Christopherus has kept me - or us, rather - on our toes and much of my day has been spent writing. There were many times in the past that I'd look up from a Christopherus book I was writing and see both my sons engrossed in their own short stories or reports - things rarely assigned by me, but rather out of their own initiative.

 

So Gabriel knew when he came home that homeschooling means 1 part Mama to 3 parts Gabriel. Especially on weeks like this!

 

So how did we manage? On the Sunday before we started I spent a couple of hours working out what we would acomplish. I looked through resources that we already had. I thought about the 6th grade curriculum and about Gabriel's needs and interests. And I came up with a plan.

 

Every morning Gabriel had a Roman History assignment (thankfully I had that useful Roman History unit study written by the nice lady from Christopherus Homeschool Resources to guide me!). I read to him, he'd work on writing a summary of the Aeneid (after he'd read it), copied things into his Main Lesson book and illustrated his writing. He also spent some time memorising a passage from the original Aeneid by Vigil, in Latin and English.

 

Speaking of Latin, Gabriel decided he wants to learn Latin. So every day he works by himself in his Dad's Cambridge Latin Course workbook. He is also  studying German and as I don't speak it nor am able to teach it, he works on a German computer program by Rosetta Stone. He's also learning to type, so he spends about 15 minutes a day working on that, too.

 

As he is doing quite a bit of composition in the course of his Roman history studies, I am leaving English a bit, though I have written out some assignments for him to do in Gabriel Arquilevitch's Writing for 100 Days (which I recommend for students of about 12/13 and up). ( either that or my correspondence course! See the youngwriter's program on my web site).  Gabriel's spelling is very poor - so every day we spend about 5 or 10 minutes on a spelling list.

 

Gabriel has it in his stubborn head that he's very bad at math - so I have deicided to go easy on math for a while. I have several math workbooks, a combination of drill, word problems and games and he is free to choose from those what he'd like to do - as long as he does about 20 minutes worth of work 4 times a week. My hope is that with a non threatening approach like this, he will regain some of his misplaced confidence.

 

What else? Piano practice... various art projects (this week he made a plaster mask with me as I needed to perfect this as I will be doing mask making in the Comedy & Tragedy main lesson I am teaching at the Waldorf high school) ... long walks with the dog... and his own voracious science reading.

 

So - is it Waldorf?! I don't know! I know I work deeply with anthroposophy. I know I understand the Waldorf curriculum, the hows and whys that weave through it. And I have a pretty good working knowledge of who my son is and what he needs. So I put it together and wrap it around with my family's own circumstances - and is it Waldorf? Sure doesn't look what he'd be doing if he was at school! But I think that it comes from the same source and I think it is what works for us.

 

As I always say to people who consult with me - "homeschooling is about family" AND "not school at home". Strive to understand the ideas behind the Waldorf curriculum and how it has been crafted. Meditate deeply on what your particular children need - as well as the family as a whole. And then do what works. It may not look like Waldorf, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

 

Fall Festivals

I love this time of year. I love the bright blue skies, the vibrant shades of red, gold and orange on the trees. I love the warm sun on my face and the cold wind - the frosts in the morning which leave the summer plants in sad, damp heaps and the comforting afternoon sun which warms the last of the seasons' butterflies. I am blessed to live in Wisconsin, where the Fall is (almost!) as beautiful as it is in my native New York.

 

As the days shorten and the dark seems to gather strength, I find I often have to dig deep within to find the resolve to get out of my cozy bed in the morning, to create the soul warmth in my home in the shortening days and to overcome the gloom that can easily overwhelm one as the light gives way to the dark. Thankfully, I can turn to Michael and to Martin for inspiration and guidance as I seek to  shore up my own inner resolve and journey into the darkness.

 

These special festivals speak deeply to me and have been an important part of my family life since my sons were quite small. Michaelmas and Martinmas  are celebrated in most Waldorf schools in the US and in Britain and there is a wealth of resources available for those who wish to celebrate these festivals at home. On the song page of the kindergarten part of the Christopherus web site there is a lovely Martinmas song which is great for little ones through about 2nd or 3rd grade. All the Waldorf festival books have a wealth of activities, crafts, songs and stories for these festivals - those of you who have my first grade syllabus have a very nice Martinmas story in it.

 

What are these festivals about? Well, the essence of Michaelmas  (29 September) is about a great hero, about the Archangel Michael (three syllables, Mik- A- ael or who is like God) who subdues, but most crucially, does not destroy, the dragon, thus leaving the possibility of redemption. Martin, a warrior, a killer in the pay of the Roman army, has a vision of the Christ after sharing his cloak with a beggar, thus saving the man's life. The Christ reminds Martin that wheresoever goes the least of His children, so too goes the Christ. Upon hearing this, Martin rejects the soldier's path and instead becomes a man of peace. Martin is celebrated on 11 November, Armistice Day.

 

Those who are not Christian can find alternative ways of working with these festivals if they so choose. Michaelmas is often celebrated as a harvest festival, when one gives thanks for the rich bounty that springs from the dark earth. Martinmas can be marked as a Lantern festival, with a procession in the dark of children and adults singing softly and carrying lit lanterns. A coat drive for the homeless is also an appropriate activity for this time of year.

 

However you choose to mark this time of year, may you find the inner light that will sustain you and your family as you journey together into the darkest time of year.

 

What Is Eurythmy?

Every once in a while I get the question "what is eurythmy?" How to explain?!

It's an art form but one rather different than any others - it is a spiritual work.... it is a therapeutic expression and vehicle for healing..... it helps and heals when one watches it as well as when one perfoms it... it is a way of interpreting and giving expression to the Word, to soul gesture... it is something for groups, to help people find ways of working together - and it is something an individual can practice.

But it's not something that can be "picked up" - the study of eurythmy is long and very involved. However - one can bring grace and consciousness to gesture when one works with children (or goes about ones daily life) and thereby bring a quality to one's life and homeschoool that could be said to be akin to eurythmy. If one meditates on the essence of a verse, on the letters and sounds themselves - and most importantly, on the mood one is trying to convey - then perhaps one, out of oneself, can bring something which is just as special and healing as eurythmy might be - but different.

Both eurythmy and speech formation are extremely important (and esoteric) aspects of serious teacher training and preparation - and a parent could tackle this, too. But... the amount of study, inner preparation and devotion to anthroposophy required by such study.... well, it's hard to imagine someone working on this whilst homeschooling! So I don't really even mention this aspect of Waldorf in my books. But it is something very worthwhile if one has the inclination. Do look at www.eurythmy.org for more information.

To School and Back Home Again

Last spring my family left our little farm and moved 4 hours south (still in Wisconsin) to a wonderful community which, among other things, boasts both a Waldorf school and a Waldorf flavored high school. There are a variety of reasons why we moved here - but for sure the schools were a big attraction.

 

Both of my sons, now 14 and 12, had been to (Waldorf) school briefly when they were quite young. It hadn't worked for either of them. In kindergarten, my eldest refused to join the Circle and would hit those children with whom he wanted to make friends. In first grade he scribbled angrily in his main lesson books and got into lots of fights in the playground. He was overstimulated - and we took him home. Over the years he grew into a peaceful, centered and calm boy, sought out by others as a friend. At the high sdchool, he has intervened several times in conflicts between students and is well liked by both teachers and his peers.

 

My youngest loved kindergarten - and he quite enjoyed first grade. But the word "remediation" stared to be used when he showed no inclination to write or read. I knew that there was no deep problem - rather, his schedule was different from the others in his class. And so he came home, too. He didn't read until he was well over 10 (same for his brother) and then immediately went into quite advanced books (his brother decided to read Nietzche at 13).

 

But he is quite melancholic and so when the opportunity came to move here and the school was glad to have him, we enrolled him in 5th grade. He was not 100% sure, but then part of his melancholic temperament is reluctance for new experiences. So we persevered.

 

He was not happy. Many of his math skills were behind and though he can read and write (ie composition) very, very well, his spelling is appalling. This has never worried me - I know that in time he will catch up. And until he went to school, it hadn't worried him either. But at school he felt stupid - to be sure, his own interpretation of the situation, but not good nonetheless!

 

Other things came to the fore as well - and in these first few weeks of 6th grade he has become progressively more unhappy. He misses the depth we were able to go into at home - I, too was saddened by the rather cursory treatment of Greek myths, for instance, his class undertook in the spring. We are about to tackle Roman history - he is chomping at the bit, ready to really penetrate the subject. At school he cannot spend 3 hours reading - he misses that, too - and he is by far one of the best readers in his class. Again, he often likes to write little stories or compositions - at school there really isn't the room for this.

 

I am sad he will miss out on many of the group experiences - drama, playing music together, games and so on. There is a possibility that he might be able to join his class for one or two classes a week which I think is wonderful!   Yes, he will miss out on things. But... as parents, my husband and I have really tried - and now it's up to him. It seems it is more important for him to have the depth of experience that we can allow him at home. Perhaps another 3 years at home will get him to a place where he'll be more happy in groups - we intend to send him to the high school here.

 

When it comes down to it, my main reason for bringing him back home is my concern that his stubborn melancholia will taint even those things he likes about school (and when pushed he will admit that there are some things that are ok) and he will become sour. And once a child becomes sour about learning, it is enormously difficult to enthuse him again. And I don't want that. As a long time youth worker who has dealt with many, many sour and challenging children, I know what an up hill battle that one can be. So I feel, on balance, we can forgo some of the group experiences (which, if he sets his mind to it, he'd not benefit from anyway) to let him explore his interests.

 

And I do enjoy having him home! He loves to be read to , loves to talk about history and books, loves to read and do art projects. He can be very helpful around the house and he will be helping me get orders together and send books out to people! He is very interested in Christopherus - in fact, when we first told him we had wanted him to go to school, his first exclamation was "but you need me at home so you can write books about what we do together!". Well... I guess that will happen now!