The Homeschool Journey

Last Year At Home

I can't believe school only started two weeks ago! I feel like it's all I think, breath and do - and that it is Life. How could it only be two weeks old?!

 

Of course, by school, I not only mean my youngest's last year at home - I also mean the Waldorf high school where I teach. I go in every day (3 minute drive, 10 minute walk) though sometimes, like today, it's only to teach one class. Today is Life Skills. I have a group of between 20 and 40 mixed age high schoolers and we mainly focus on things like sex, drugs, relationships and similar fun stuff. Last week we had a visitor from Viterbo University in La Crosse WI who spoke about the ethics of leadership, an important issue in our school where the students are involved in every level of decision-making. As a follow-up, today I am going to play some team building and leadership games with them.

 

That's one class - others are English (Hamlet and creative writing with the seniors); social studies (the Bill of Rights with a mixed age class); and three main lessons spread through the year - poetry (10th gr), comedy and tragedy (a literature class for the 9th grade) and zoology (10th grade).

 

And then there are Meetings: meetings about why someone skipped school or isn't coping with things; meetings with other English faculty to discuss who's teaching what when; meetings with parents to reassure them about the Life Skills curriculum; meetings with other faculty about our relationship to the larger Waldorf movement.

 

Oh - and homeschooling Gabriel! Fortunately, as a 13 year old, he is very self organized and independent. He and I meet for two hours every morning and work on various things. At the moment, although I wouldn't exactly say that we follow a clear main lesson pattern, we are focusing on Renaissance history. We'll finish that in 2 weeks and move on to focus on anatomy and physiology. We work on our "focus topic" (ie main lesson) for about an hour - then I give him work to do after I leave. We then do some grammar and spelling together. He then does his own thing with German (a combination of workbooks and Rosetta Stone plus checking in with is Dad who is also learning German); Latin; computer programming; and free reading (novels mainly). Gabriel and Paul work on algebra together and Paul also gives him piano lessons. That is the bulk of Gabriel's schooling this year.(later this year we will also do geometry, physics, chemistry, geography and hope to get our history studies up to modern times).When I teach main lessons at school later this year, he will work with his dad as well as on independent projects.

 

So it's a stretch and we're all very busy (did I mention I also carry the Children's lessons at our monthly Christian Community gatherings?!).

 

Oh yes - and a little thing called Christopherus! Yes - that too! Gabriel helps with that - we should have a stamp for the envelopes "packed with care by a homeschooled boy!" Actually, we're now looking into farming out our book shipping part of our business to free us up more for writing and consulting. That will be a scary but exciting change. And then I should be more able to write up some of the things I am teaching Gabriel and at the high school into books to sell to you all!

 

Anyway, the point of all this is not to shock you all into thoughts of "how does she do it?" but rather into giving you all a picture to show that, with flexibility and cooperation, all things are possible. And, most importantly, that as children get older, they need to become more and more independent in their studies. No - it doesn't look terribly much like what happens in a Waldorf school, but it arises out of Waldorf and it works for my family. It meets my sons' developmental need to be involved in his own education and in decision making - as well as being part of a family which depends on his involvement in our business. And I think those are incredibly important Life Skills lessons!

 

 

Friendly Teens

It always amazes me - and saddens me - when I hear about or read about parents who have no idea who their teens are, who cannot communicate with them or who are at a loss as to how to interact with them. What is more tragic, I suppose, is that this is considered the norm. Teens are usually portrayed as sulky, unfriendly, unhelpful and only interested in the latest technological gadgets. but I see a whole different picture of teens.

 

I am no naive person wearing rose-tinted Waldorf or homeschooling glasses - I have worked with teens for many years, in many different settings, including a group home for delinquent girls. So I've seen teens at their worst and their best - and their most vulnerable. And I readily agree that there are some pretty alienated and tragic teens out there - maybe, sadly, even the majority of young people in our country. But my point is that this is not inevitable. Just as it is not inevitable to have rude, loud and hyper 8 year old boys, it is also entirely possible to raise teens who are content, sociable and pleasant to be around.

 

Magic formula? No. There are so many factors involved here. A few really vital factors, in my opinion are: making sure that the family isn't overscheduled and that a parent is home most of the time the teen is at home; having strong and non negotiable boundaries for computer/phone and gadget use; and actively cultivating the ability to listen. That last one is for us parents - it would certainly be nice if the teens would listen, too. But the first and most important step is that we adults model the desired behavior. And while we're at it, we don;'t have a little voice inside saying "look like you're listening to her and then she'll really listen to you!" No. The listening must be agenda-free. We must do it because it is right. And we must trust that this will communicate itself to our teens and that, at some point, they will also learn how to listen.

 

As homeschoolers, I think we are in such good positions to tilt the balance toward a healthy and enriching relationship with our teen age children. If one has been through years of homeschooling together - seen all the struggles and failures and lived through the effort of a self-created life, then the children will internalize that and learn to live not merely as receivers of education, but as co-creators. And if they are co-creators of their educations, then they can be co-creators of their lives. And a teen who is engaged in life and feels she has some input in what is happening is more likely to be a happy and fulfilled person.

 

As communication is such a huge part of being together all the time - as in the homeschooling situation - then a child will learn how to communicate and how to work with his feelings - and witness time and time again how communication  is dealt with in the family and how feelings such as anger, disappointment and sadness are worked with. It may well be that the most important aspect of homeschooling is not so much the wonderful education which we can give our children - but the human gift of knowing how to live with other people. Compromise. Sacrifice. Patience. Honesty. Perseverance. Aren't these all qualities we want our children to have? And if our teens have them, won't they be happier people, a joy to be around?

 

Sure, teen can sulk and rage and be irrational - so what? That's part of growing up. But the difference between basically happy teens and those who are hollow and unfulfilled is that the storm clouds disperse in the case of the former group and do not become an accepted part of their wardrobe. With the latter group this can become part of their persona and, unfortunately, can define who they are or are seen to be.

 

My sons (2006) are 13 and 15. I love to be with them and they love to be with me. We have arguments and fights and tears and shouting. But we also have time to talk through problems and miscommunications, time to chill and just be. My 15 year old likes nothing better than to have his 13 year old brother (who is still homeschooled) and I to wait for his return from school and to "hear his day". Yes - he goes to high school now. It's a Waldorf influenced school which is co-run by the students. His involvement in his education and his life continues now in a larger arena and amongst his peers and other adults. I love to hear his day, I love that he loves to be with me and to share his news. His younger brother is the same.

 

When those despairing days happen, when nothing goes right and you ask yourself how could you have been so crazy to as to imagine you could homeschool your children, just look to the future. See your children as happy teens, pleasant to be with, content with life, engaged in society. Then you'll be able to draw strength from that picture and know that it will all be worth it.