The Homeschool Journey

Fourteen year old beaten to death

I'd like to pause a moment and send thoughts and prayers to the family of Martin Lee Anderson, a 14 year old boy who was filmed being kicked and beaten over a half an hour period by the guards at the "boot camp " where he was held. Martin died. A camp nurse observed the proceedings while they took place and the camp's security camera caught it on film. Martin died. The guards and the nurse walked free. Martin is not walking anywhere anymore. Apparently Martin had a form of sickle-cell anaemia that had not been known about. Perhaps if the guards had known they would have beaten him more gently.

 

The boy is dead, the family handed a bill for medical expenses and the fault apparently lies with the boy's genetic time-bomb. The guards and the nurse have not even received disciplinary measures - which would still be unbelievably patronizing to the family - but even that would somehow be something. The family's lawyer says "You kill a dog, you go to jail. You kill a little black boy and nothing happens."

 

I'm sure Martin Lee Anderson was a very difficult child - one doesn't end up in a boot camp for nothing.... yet.... can any of us with very difficult children imagine our beloveds winding up in a boot camp? And even, with a really generous stretch of the imagination, we can imagine our children had to go to one of these places - would we find it acceptable for him to have been beaten and abused in this way?  Murdered? Can we imagine into the pain of those parents, that family? Would we accept an excuse - "oh sorry, your child had something wrong with him so he died when we beat him. He would have just been beaten and lived through it otherwise." Just think of all the care we take with our own difficult children - didn't Martin deserve the same care and attention? But Martin was black, male and poor - three strikes in a society that fears such a combination. And add in any behavioral or learning challenges that he might have had.... well, now he's dead.

 

 

Supporting Family Farms

I live in what is called the Driftless Region of Wisconsin, a strange geographic anomaly that was bypassed by the glaciers that once covered the rest of North America. It is a rough land of ridges and valleys, rolling hills and thick forests. It is not an area conducive to large-scale industrial farming and this is why a number of Amish families moved here in the 70s, to find small farms which were not about to be bought out by corporations or which had already been ruined.

This area also attracted many "back to the land" people, some of whom became organic farmers. Small family farms, some conventional, some organic dotted the picture postcard perfect landscape of white farmhouses, red barns and happy cows grazing along ridges and river bottoms. This area soon became home to the largest concentration of organic farms outside California. It is home to Organic Valley, a major job provider in this otherwise impoverished area, the poorest county in Wisconsin.

Farming is hard work - physically, mentally, emotionally. A friend told me the other day of her hunt through the county looking for cabbages. Part of her crop had been wiped out by the recent floods. She makes her living by making sauerkraut (it's wonderful!) and she had bought a neighbor's cabbages and made a batch - but his variety was one she wasn't familiar with and her stock failed. This is her sole source of income.

Even when things go well - when cows don't get mastitis, when sheep stay they're put, when frosts stay away, when there's not too much snow (or too little) - farming is back-breaking, grinding work. It is also challenging, thrilling, satisfying and awe-inspiring. But it is hard and no one gets rich on a small family farm.

So when I look at the series of hits I see on this small but vitally important farming community, I get worried. And this summer into fall has seen one hit after another.

First is NAIS, the National Animal Identification Scheme, brainchild of the US Dept. of Agriculture and seemingly designed to close down small farms. Not only is it a potential trial run for the identity-tracking of people, but it is created to put the most amount of bureaucratic paperwork on owners of small flocks and herds.

Then came the possibility of our county's first factory-sized pig farm. The community sprang to action, asking for more information and more time but the machinations of vested interests and fear pushed the possibility of such an environmental and ethical horror to find a home here.

Next were the floods: when one lives in an area of ridges and valleys, one can be sure that the rivers run along the valleys and that that is where the best farmland is to be found. There are many dams in this area - but we also know that thoughtless damming of rivers can cause more problems than they solve, not least the spectacle of farmers and homesteaders living next to stressed dams wondering whether it is safe to remain. This area got hit pretty badly by the floods and many of our local family farms were hit the worst.

The latest hit has been the declaration by our local coal-fired gas plant in Genoa, right on the Mississippi, that it needs a new site to bury its coal ash and - hello! - you five families need to leave your farms as this is the site we've picked. One can only guess at the shock and horror experienced by these farmers, some of whom have lived on their farms for generations, to be told that their land has been chosen for a landfill. And what about nearby farms, some of which are organic farms with sensitive certification issues. We all know how many lies have been told about clean drinking water and soil.

Do these sound like NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) issues to you? Sure - the coal ash needs to be stored somewhere and factory farms ... nope, sorry, not going there. I eat only organic meat and see no need to torture animals for food. Not a NIMBY issue - the things just shouldn't exist at all.

However I do use electricity - my home is not off the grid. And until we as individuals and as a society find creative ways to generate enough clean energy for all, we will need to deal with the mess our power utilities produce. But does that give them the right to throw people off their property and to ruin the landscape for everyone? I refuse to believe  that there aren't better solutions, right now and not in the clean energy future.

So I write this to let you know about what is happening here and to say to each and every one of you - it is happening everywhere. We all want organic food for our families and it has to come from somewhere. These farms are delicate - a few hits and they disappear. Farms have gone under here.

The flooding is a local thing - but weather disasters happen everywhere and are possibly more severe now in many parts of the globe due to deforestation, overcrowding, soil erosion and other factors. It can threaten organic farms. And if, on top of that, farmers are expected to comply with bureaucratic excesses which benefit no one but big corporations and they also have to deal with whatever other environmental or economic horrors life throws at them, it will become too much. Farms close. And a beautiful piece of land which people cared for could be lost.

I write this to urge all of you who care about the earth and about the quality of life of not just our families but generations to come to find ways to support local family farms. Join CSAs. Urge your co-op to favor locally-produced food, even if it's not quite 'organic'. Keep an eye on zoning laws and state and federal (or national for those of you in other parts of the world) regulations that make life harder for organic and small family farms.

This is our food, our air, our soil, our water - do what you can to support local family farms!

So How Do You Manage All Day at Home?

Following on from my last blog which I wrote earlier today I want to help parents think through how they actually can mange to be at home all day with tiny children if they too believe that this is what is best for their littlies. And I need to say quite unequivocally - I completely understand and sympathize with those of you who see this as an unmanageable task or, whilst being determined to make it manageable, still find it draining, exhausting, frustrating and isolating. I know. I've been there. It was what prompted my family to move from intentional community to intentional community so we could have a life where we shared childcare with other adults, with people who, we hoped, had the same values as us.

 

So I am NOT saying this is easy. I do, however, think it is what is best for tiny children - to be at home with their mother (probably) for the bulk of days during those early years. I am not saying that no other adult should be involved - granny, dear friend, etc - wonderful. (And of course Dad-care is essential and wonderful - not what I'm talking about here at all!) Of course. But that is different than group care outside the child's home.

 

Which is the subject of the previous blog entry so I won't repeat myself here!

 

So now - how to do it?

 

Well, first I strongly suggest people read through my other early years and parenting blog entries here to get more of the background to all this and to ensure they really are on board. I differ significantly in this from many others in Waldorf early years - so going to, for instance, Rahima Baldwin's website, whilst a wonderful source of information, will also bring you the opinions of those who come from quite a different place. Once upon a time in Waldorf circles it was unthinkable for under 4's to attend nursery or similar - now it is heralded as a breakthrough to regularly, as a matter of course, have 3 year olds in Waldorf mixed age kindergartens.

 

Last year Helle Heckerman presented a workshop here in my town on her work with 3 year ods in Denmark - I was invited to give a presentation at the conference but declined, saying that actually I was against on principle of the idea of 3 year olds being out of the home - their home. Of course it might be needed by some parents - single parents, low income folks etc. And of course Waldorf in-home or even in-kindergarten care can be preferable to other options (though I would suggest a neighbor with one or two of her own children or similar or another adult in your home who will not be soon replaced as preferable). I ran a Waldorf early years program myself - I know all the arguments. But at the end of the day I saw children suffer because they were not at home with their mothers. And even at 5 I saw my own son suffer from the best Waldorf kindergarten situation one could possibly imagine. My younger son, when it was his turn for kindergarten, was fine.

 

Anyway... let's get to some nuts and bolts....

 

First off, do that reading and consider buying my Kindergarten book and Joyful Movement even if your children are younger than kindergarten age, just to get a feel for things - and to gain a lot of practical information and inspiration. Have a look at my series of audio downloads as well to help you navigate these early years at home. And consider joining my discussion forum (see the Christopherus homepage) to get lots of practical support and inspiration form other stay-at-home moms who have the same struggles and heartaches.

 

Then.... See if these tips help make life easier....

 

* Slow down - less is definitely more where little children (all children really) are concerned. Try to arrange your life so that you are home most days - if there is one thing which my clients tell me again and again it is that once they have cut back and prioritized being at home, even if everything else basically stayed the same, that life got easier.

 

* Think "child inclusive" not "child centered." Your task is to include your child in your healthy life around your home - not to be a playmate and "edu-tainer".

 

* Drive less, walk and bike more. Stretch those legs, long and short! Even if where you live is a must-drive place, park a ways away from your destination - even if it's only at the far end of the parking lot, so that you can walk. Look at all the blue cars. Watch the lady putting her shopping in her car. Say hello to the old man. Slow down and be human!!

 

* Likewise, try to be less goal orientated and more process orientated. Yes, you do need to actually get to the store, buy that food and get home - but why rush if there's nothing to do at home except desperately seek ways of avoiding the television? Spend 3 hours "buying food". Take a little walk. Sit on a stoop and watch people go by. Admire all the lovely colors and shapes the lettuces come in. Examine the bins in the bulk food area. Watch the check-out people help customers. Your goal is to buy food - but your process of buying food is even more important if you have little ones.

 

* When considering purchases - games, toys, books etc - for your child, try to remember the image of the happy three year old playing contentedly on the kitchen floor, with nothing more than a pot and a wooden spoon. This is not fantasy. Stimulation-craving children are usually (though certainly not always) created, not born (listen to my free talk on Therapeutic Waldorf for more on this - go to the audio downloads link above). Less is more!! Less books (gasp - heresy!!), less toys, less STUFF, less THINGS!

 

* Whilst imagining your child content with a cardboard box or a simple dolly, imagine yourself as the source of strength, of warm humor, of firm joyfulness, of PEACE that your child needs. You are not his friend, his pal, his playmate or his buddy. You are Mother (or Father). Find an image of Mother that speaks to you - Gaia or Mary or Fatima or similar - these Mother-figures did not flap, waver, fuss or whine. They got on with it and provided unending warmth and strength for those around them.

 

*Work on the breathing-in, breathing-out rhythm of your days. Think about the healthy heart  - it beats faithfully for all our lives, now fast, now slow - but always, in health, rhythmically.

 

From two to three - early ed for tinies

A few weeks ago I gave a talk to parents in our community about early years parenting. Most of the parents attending had their children part time at one of the local Waldorf-inspired  in-home nursery or day-care providers here. The question came up about how is it that a two year old might go to nursery perfectly happily but then when he turns three, he balks.

 

In my experience, this is a fairly common phenomena. And I would say it has to do with the fact that a 2 year old is so closely attached to his mother, is so unaware in many ways (though he might not seem that way to the parents!) that in his dream world, going from one warm and loving place to another is no big deal. He is still attached etherically to his mother by the "Madonna's Cloak" and is still within her aura, even when she is not present. He can also easily adapt to the warmth and love of the care giver. And many 2 years olds often seem oblivious to the other children in the group.

 

Not so the 3 year olds. At 3 there is a big change. The child's sense of "I" is starting to stir and she is just that much more aware of her surroundings - and the nursery, as warm and caring as it might be, is not home, is not Mama. This is not a major problem for all children - but since my point of view is that little children in principle are better off at home than in nursery, no matter how lovely and Waldorf, a parent might want to stop and think what is going on here at this point of the child's development.

 

It seems obvious to me that at this delicate awakening time, at this first blossoming of a sense of selfhood, that one would want a child to be in the home, in the bosom of the family, with those who have chosen to bring him into the world and who are his primary and most important role models, guides, teachers and - his parents. The child creates his sense of who he is in relation to his parents. They are his templates and his models and launching pad for who he will eventually create himself to be.

 

Now this can be guilt-inducing stuff, I know. There are certainly times when we all need and want a break from our children - and there is a lot for them to learn from other people. And it could well be that a morning or two at a peaceful Waldorf at-home nursery is a wonderful experience for that child - and a very needed break for the parent. But.... I have seen so many little children suffer terribly from separation grief at age 3 especially that I just can't see any good reason from the child's point of view for this to happen.

 

From the adult's point of view - sure. Work, needing a break etc etc. But... too often an adult's needs do not mesh with a child's. If we lived in a different kind of society where granma or auntie could look after the little ones from time to time - when it was a one-on -one thing from a constantly present adult - not a group thing from a stranger who must be gotten used to - then that would be another thing entirely. Yes - as the feminists say, woman have always worked. No argument there. But they have not always used childcare from strangers or, far worse, from institutions which have an ever-changing stream of workers. Women used relatives and neighbors - people the children knew from birth.

 

So from the child's point of view, I see no reason on earth for nursery.  All this nonsense about early socialization is just hokum as far as my experience tells me. A play date once or twice a week is great - but preferably with mixed age children as tinies playing together can bring other problems (see other entries on this blog about that). Other than that - the best early years life for tiny ones is - and I am more and more convinced of this all the time - a slow paced, well ordered, rhythmical and peaceful life almost exclusively at home and in nature. , Unhurried, unstressful, unpressured.