The Homeschool Journey

Creating our New Early Years Book

For almost 9 years I have had an internet presence. For a time I was a member of the old WE-Homeschool yahoo group and then branched out to form my own yahoo group, Waldorf at Home (which eventually spawned both Melisa Nielsen's group as well as Marsha Johnson's!). My yahoo group grew and grew, reaching somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,500 members before I closed it.

 

I closed it three years ago, wishing to create a more intimate space for people. One way to do this was to create a forum, not a yahoo group. The other way was to charge a nominal fee. This allowed me to justify devoting the considerable time and effort I put into keeping the group going. For it did not run itself! I needed to be "on" constantly, ensuring that the tone and warmth and personal touch of the group was palpable. And it was, as many, many people, over the years told me.

 

Of course I was not alone and could not have done what I did alone. A core of valuable and trusted members soon established themselves. And of course my hand-picked moderators shouldered much of the work of the group, keeping threads ticking over, helping reassure new parents, offering advice and warm and often wry humor. When perennial questions like "how do I resurface my blackboard" came up for the seemingly zillioneth time and I felt like screaming, it was often one of them who picked up the question, with grace and freshness. A number of women came and went over the years as moderators - Barbara Benson, Lauri Bolland, Serina Lopez, Dionne Plantamura, Catherine Forest, Lisa Marshall, Karen Petz, Carrie Dendtler and of course Leigh Anders from the Christopherus office were my Circle of Wise Women.

 

And when it came time for me to move on and to close my forum, they were gracious enough to understand and to offer whatever support they could. Likewise, members also expressed understanding and support for my decision. But there was also great trepidation. What would happen to the archives? So much information, support and advice had been shared over the years. What an enormous blow to the Waldorf community if that was to be lost! And indeed, for a number of years after the original yahoo group closed, I had kept the archives open so that people could search them and hopefully find some answers to their questions. But this would not be possible, for several reasons, to do with the forum.

 

And so I decided to compile what I could, focusing especially on the Early Years sections of the forum as these were, by far, the biggest sections and it was here that people often expressed their deepest needs, being as they were often new to parenting and new to Waldorf. My original idea was to somehow put much of this onto the Christopherus website as a resource. I also looked at the Personal Growth sub forum and at the Therapeutic Waldorf forums with the same thought - but the nature of those posts there was, for the most part, way too personal and intimate to be shared more widely. To take those posts I would have had to keep them intact, as they were. And that would violate people's trust in the smallness of the community (though, being on the internet, there was actually more than one breach of confidentiality that occurred) and did not seem right.

 

But I knew that I could do this with the threads from the Early Years sub forum. There, many or the questions and even responses were "generic" enough for me to rewrite them, condense them and form them so that they could form the heart of a book. And that is what I did. For it soon became apparent that the wealth to be found in the archives was not something I could just slap onto the Christopherus website. A book was crying out to be created. And as I had been repeatedly asked over the years to write and early years book, I saw that this was my opening. I had often thought about how I could write such a book but could not quite "land" on a way that felt right. But now, I could take as the heart of the book the conversation, the mother to mother sharing that had been the essence of the forum and base a book on this! I spent several hundred hours combing through the archives, re-writing threads and shortening many, but also trying, as far as possible, to keep the warmth, humor and aliveness that was so valuable about the forum, to the fore. And this is why I can honestly say that this book is written by me! It is not a case of having simply cut and pasted from the forum.

 

And so you, dear reader, when you read our new book The Journey Begins at Home: A Waldorf Early Years Guide (whose title of course reflects the origin of the book), you will not be able to tell what I have rewritten (ie most of it) and what were the original words of the original post! Even the words of the moderators have been changed somewhat. And this was done to protect people's privacy and to make the book slightly less personal; and more widely useful.

 

For the point is, we all, as parents of young children, struggle with many of the same challenges and issues. Here in this book you will discover questions about a wide range of parenting dilemmas, ranging from how to be comfortable being a stay at home mother to when to use the potty to issues around the family bed, play dates and much more. And the answers to those questions while mainly from me, also have contributions from both a range of moderators and from other forum members. Indeed, there came a point where I realized I kept using contributions from two particular forum members again and again. So I contacted both of them to ask if I could use their words. Both were delighted to help and so you will find "Tamara" and "Elsa's" contributions as well. And those are not their real names, again, to protect their privacy.

 

The book also contains long, long pieces written by me on various aspects of parenting and child development including a very valuable section on the twelve senses (based on a study I had led on the forum). Carrie Dendtler of theparentingpassageway.com also sent in a number of contributions.

 

In all the book is over 430 pages and is in ebook format. We know that in this grave economic climate many people are struggling so we hope this will make things a bit easier for them!

 

So....without further ado....here it is: The Journey Begins at Home: A Waldorf Early Years Guide. All feedback most warmly welcome!

Excerpt from New Christopherus Early Years Book

At long last - our new Early Years parenting guide from Christopherus! This ebook is now available to purchase - you can read it on your computer or print it out. We hope that making it a relatively inexpensive ebook that this will allow many people to purchase it. And we think that it is an invaluable help to people who wish to bring elements of a healthy and nurturing gifts of Waldorf education to their homes, their parenting and the education of their young children. Please refer to the following blog article for an explanation of how this book was created. There has been a little confusion, with some individuals thinking that we had simply taken the words of forum members and were now selling this! This is definitely not the case and that is explained in the next blog article.

 

Here, though, is an excerpt from the book, to whet your interest!

 

 

 

From the Introduction:

 

 

This book came into being because of the heart-felt requests from member of my Waldorf at Home internet forum to not lose its archives when I announced its closure. The problem of the archives – how to preserve the wealth of knowledge shared there – was a dilemma I spent considerable time mulling over.

 

At the same time, I was aware of a lack in the early years offerings from Christopherus. Our kindergarten book, Joyful Movement and the several early years audio downloads I had recorded were all very good – but more was needed. Over the years I had often been asked to write a parenting book or one about discipline. Though enthusiastic about this idea, I could never quite get the right angle on this.

 

And then the idea of preserving the early years’ section of the forum’s archives – the biggest section as by far the majority of forum members had been parents of young children – and writing an early years book came together. And that is what you are holding in your hands or reading on your screen.

 

The reason this synergy works and the reason I am incredibly enthusiastic about this book is because of the contributions made by the wonderfully supportive women on my forum, both moderators and members. And this warmth is precisely what I wanted to bring to any new early years books but could not quite envision. It is this warmth and heart-felt sharing between mothers – women struggling to find the answers to their own development as women and mothers and to the mystery of how to best raise their children – it was just this warmth that I knew I had to bring to any new early years book I wrote.

 

For it is during these first years of the journey as a parent that one finds oneself so thoroughly turned inside out. And if one is bravely pushing against the tide, not merely floating along with the currents of present day assumptions and convictions about children, but trying to find a new and more authentic path, then the journey is indeed a difficult and lonely one. And what was so valuable about my forum was this sense of not being alone, of being united with others who also shared the same values and perspectives on parenting and education. Somehow, I wanted this to shine through any new early childhood book I might write.

 

My hope is that this book, The Journey Begins at Home: A Waldorf Early Years Guide, can take some of the shared warmth from the Waldorf at Home forum and bring it to life here, for a much wider audience. I have painstakingly combed through the forum’s archives and brought together several years of posts and conversations and added to this, including extensive commentary. I have used a question and answer format and tried to leave some sense of the humor and friendliness that lived in the original threads. But I have had to severely cut away much of the dialogue and also combine different conversations in order for this book to make sense. However, because it is based on very informal conversations, there is some amount of replication, repetition and inconsistency. I hope you will bear with me and appreciate that as this is an ebook and not a “proper book” that this is therefore acceptable. And that some of the life of the forum has thereby been preserved.

 

Additional contributions from Carrie Dendtler of theparentingpassageway.com have been a welcome gift, much enriching what I have pulled together.

 

From the section entitled A Mother's Path:

 

Question:

 

With 3 little ones, I feel it is very important that my children respect my bubble. I have 2 very needy children in terms of proximity and I often feel like screaming: Just leave me some room to breathe. From the moment she wakes up, my daughter is on me, caressing my face and my hair, kissing me, touching my breast and belly... and pulling on my pants when I cook …It drives me nuts! And I admit that I sometimes feel guilty to push her away when she is kissing me and petting my face, but something feels weird, unhealthy in her neediness. And I feel like I have not enough air to breathe...

 

So, in relation to our focuses on talking less and talking pictorially with little ones, how can we help children understand and respect our physical space, our need to not have them constantly in our bubble?

 

Moderator:

 

My son is the same way, very needy physically. It can definitely be very aggravating. I especially hate being pawed and clung to in public! I know that suffocating feeling.

 

The more you resist and push them away, the needier they become, because they feel that rejection. I am all about setting boundaries but the thing is, at their age, they are inside your bubble, not outside of it. At least as far as they are concerned, and not only that but it is kind of crowded in there. If you can reach down within yourself and find some extra resources, you can often find you do have it within you to joyfully give in to one more cuddle. I agree if you are hating the cuddle, it will not feel good for your child either.

 

But, and this is important, when there is nothing left inside and you've used up all your inner resources, you need to find a way to refuel. What this means is different for different people, it can mean getting massage or time alone or time with your husband or yoga or talk therapy or painting or writing. Whatever it is, but you do need to make sure that if you are running on empty (which is quite likely with all you have on your plate), that you find a way to fill your tank.

 

And when your tank is full, you'll find that you have more of you to give to your children than you ever thought possible. And the thing is, if their need for physical connection is met now, they will move on and it will pass, but if it is not met it may fester and cause problems down the road. My older children were both physically needy (although less so than my son) and I used to despair because it seemed like no matter how much I gave, they needed more. But I shared more of myself than I thought possible, my bed, my breasts, my bath, etc. and now they are off and running with a quick hug here or a little pat there is all they require. Believe it or not, I sometimes miss the physical closeness we used to have.

 

Forum Member:

 

I discovered that I am rather 'thin skinned', very easily sensory overloaded and tend to push to get done what I think needs to be done in the moment (very ungrounded) rather than slowing down to see what the needs of my children really are(more grounded)...

 

When I am overloaded  I often don't have the presence to question and shift so I try to practice preventative measures with myself...these include starting the day with a bath, it is my sacred time and where I prepare for the day, get my head together, meditate or contemplate (when my children were as young as yours this may have only been a 5 min. bath but it still helped)...I also find that giving my body a coat of oil or an extra layer of clothes (silk and linen are nice) helps to insulate my nerves a bit...eating lots of protein in the morning with little to no sweets or carbs helps...also eating lots of roots, beets, sweet potatoes, carrots, radishes (think grounded)...

 

I guess there are probably many other ways that I try to support myself to be free to receive my children when they need me physically, mostly think 'grounded and slow'...it really is a short time until they are off and you wish they'd come smother you...on the rare occasion that my 15 year old daughter plops herself on my lap believe me I ignore how much it hurts and savor the moment...

 

Donna:

 

I too am a person with high "alone" needs - and there have been times when I pushed my sons away perhaps too thoroughly. It is easy for me to see that now - but back then, in the moment, when I wanted to scream "I'm me not you!" I did what I felt I needed to do. Yet there were also times when I remembered that being a mother truly is about sacrifice - I sacrificed a lot of my personal space, knowing that one day I wouldn't need to think about it in those terms and that my children's needs would change (gotta say I drew the line at bath time though - I do not share my bath with anyone!!)

 

It really does come down to being calm and peaceful and having ones own needs met so one can indeed meet the needs of the small child. And some do seem to need more physical touching - I'm with those moms who say "don't worry - this too shall pass." It does - and though my well over six foot teen sons now never do sit on my lap anymore (thank goodness!!) they will spontaneously hold my hand or give me a kiss on the nose (our family's traditional spot for helping people feel better when they're tired!) I treasure those moments of closeness.

 

Yet I have also seen women lose their balance and even themselves in this kind of thing. I have seen children who have gone beyond what they need and move into a situation of experimenting with what might be possible. What will Mommy let me do? Where are Mommy's boundaries? And I have seen the mother - and ultimately the child - suffer from an inability of the mother to be clear. I had a friend who would even let her toddler pick at her nipples until they bled!! To my mind that is unhealthy and teaches the child to have a disregard for the human body, for the needs of others and for her mother in particular.

 

There is a basic lesson a child needs to learn "this is me, this is you" - and it starts when the child is a baby. Yes, she is certainly within your bubble - but she is not the same as you. Boredom can create times when children whine and push and pull at their mothers, too. Having clear boundaries ("here, sweetie - you sit on this chair and fill this jar with bean while I grate carrots right next to you") and activities can help. I don't think one is doing a child any favors by being their punching bag - and yet at the same time I also firmly believe that young children need a lot of physical contact.

 

And another part of life is that you might have a lower threshold of tolerance for having your space feel as if it is invaded than mothers with fewer children. You must not feel guilty about that. There are compromises you simply must make in order to do the best that you can for your children - and for you and your husband.

 

So again, as the others have said - cherish your little children's physical needs and know that this stage will pass. BUT - find your boundaries and your own needs. Take care of yourself, and the rest - well, even if it doesn't then magically fall cleanly into place, surely, you will be in a better position to judge what the right boundaries are for all of you.

 

From the section entitled Play and Being with Other Children:

 

Question:

 

My 4 year wants to have visits from other children in the neighborhood. But several times children have come over and they have broken things – and one little boy always throws up on the carpet whenever he comes into our house. The children just rampage through our house! I have tried to speak pictorially with them – but they do not seem to know what I am talking about!

 

The parents just drop the children off and don't even want to chat, so bringing this up with them isn't an option even if I thought it might be helpful.

 

Do we need to pad the house? Bolt things down? Are 'normal' kids just incapable of moving with care or am I just lost on the right words or rules.

 

Donna:

 

Well - you are just going to have to regard these times that children come over as structured play times - not free play or play dates. You will need to welcome the children in, sit them down at a table, give them a snack and make sure they stay there - you are right there with them. No Montessori "facilitating" or "setting up play stations" - you have to be right in there stage managing every second of the visit. You need to be a Waldorf kindergarten teacher Super Plus (and many Waldorf kindergarten teachers are not taught how to deal with tough situations like this).

 

After snack: "Here sweetie, take this to the table. Nope - come back - we're not finished....here's a cloth - you may wipe the table" and so on. Then: "Now we are going to play a game". Lead them through a few circle games. Then have a story. Take the little boy into your lap - he is probably dying to have an adult's warm and centered aura surrounding him so he can relax into his body.  Then "Ok - what a lovely visit. Time to go home now. I will walk you home".Keep the initial visits to no more than 1 hour. CLEAR BOUNDARIES EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!

 

At every step of the way you are right in there to the fore. Your presence, your guidance, you calm structuring of the situation will allow play to happen and allow the children to be in your home. This is a therapeutic situation - and I am afraid it is absolutely normal these days. Many parents, of course, don't see it because when children come over, they are immediately plugged in to a machine of some sort. The children are left to deal with the energy built up in them by the images they view all by themselves.

 

I strongly suggest that you sit down and have a good think anticipating the future. You need to have absolute boundaries (key word these days, eh?!). If they do not cooperate, they go home. Not a threat - a friendly fact - that's how it is. No wheedling or cajoling. Do say things like "ok - you can go run around back at your house. But here - let's play this game first" (Oh - and I do suggest you select your games with care and that you do not have too high expectations - it could well be that these children have never had a chance to play ring games and simply do not know how to play. Again - a very common scenario in the lives of America's materially rich and spiritually impoverished children). You need to work via imitation and being right in there physically taking charge.

 

The pictorial language will not work on children like this because they are so out of themselves that they are unable to be receptive to the images. They cannot even imitate. You have to build up the foundations for them from scratch. Hard work - but very rewarding.

 

Think ahead a few weeks or months - ok, you've cracked it, the children can play together. You need to have rules about what happens when someone brings his gameboy over. Or invites your child to their house to "play" i.e. watch videos.

 

And good luck. It won't be easy. But it's the right thing to do.

 

You need to be busy - "Yes - that will be lovely to have X here - we are going out at 11 so you can pick him up then - great. .... No - he can't come with us - that doesn't work. Great to have him here now - see you later!" And really do go out so they can't call your bluff. If they pull a no-show, take the child to their house and leave him there. You’re going to have to be tough to make this work. Tough and VERY clear.

 

These are therapeutic situations for the parents, too. Imagine being the parent of a child who is off the wall - you'd be desperate to pawn him off on someone else for a few hours! And if those parents don't have the skills and experience to cope....well, it's not that it's your job to teach them - but if this is going to work, you are the one who is going to have to put most of the work in. That's just how it is.

 

And the parents too have boundary issues. That's why they dump their children on you. You can't change them. But you can work on your own boundary issues. And if "politeness" and nervousness are getting in your way, then that's your area to focus on! You have to do it! Isn't parenting great?! What fantastic opportunities it provides for our own self development! And if you manage to get on top of this one, you'll be able to handle anything life throws at you - because you are not in for an easy ride with this situation, I am sure.

 

 Questioner:

 

So the most recent visit from our little girl neighbor (she is five) went according to plan. She showed up spontaneously and I started snack. The girls sat nicely and ate, and then I started clean up and they were both helpful and happy. I sat the down for circle and did the basic five little mice and itsy bitsy spider for familiarity. I the told them a long story. But I think the neighborhood children might have thought it was baby stuff. However, my daughter was very happy indeed!

 

Moderator:

 

I had definitely had some damage when I had playgroups at my house and that was when the parents were there. It is about boundaries, be prepared, put things away, limit where play takes place and most of all, as Donna said, you set the tone, you hold the space. Involve the children in your cooking or laundry or whatever, just make sure you are there and doing something meaningful, not just hovering.

 

Children might find it a bit odd to be at your house but they will be getting a lot out of it and so will you.

 

From the section entitled Strategies for Discipline:

 

Donna (referring to the original questioner, whose son is clearly way out of control and who described an incident which was part of a pattern, not a one-off situation):

 

I think you need to rein in your son's environment. If he throws toys around from their shelves, then most of the toys need to "go away" and live where only you can get at them. If he won't eat, then food is taken away - don't get into nagging! It's so horrible for both of you - and he can take control of it and turn it around - a strong child can just "get in there" in the face of situations like this.

 

It seems you might need to backtrack quite a bit to get control of your parenting situation so your child can feel safe and held enough to give up his poor behavior. He sounds out of control - which (and I say this with compassion and kindness) usually means a child who feels unheld, unsafe and unparented.

 

I can "hear" from what you say that you are working very hard and that you are trying your hardest to carry and hold situations like getting ready to go out. With a child who is "out of control" (no judgment here - just naming what is) singing and humming just don't cut it. You need to be much stronger.

 

Here are a few things to consider:

 

* All toys are out of his reach except for one or two. Anything else, you get down AFTER you (and he - as much as is realistic) have put away

 

* Do not address him directly as you described - a very sensitive child can experience eye to eye serious talk from an adult almost like an assault - and many very - or overly - sensitive children display this kind of behavior which you describe - it is almost like they are trying to run away from themselves

 

* Don't warn him about things about to happen - instead, just give him his snack or present him with his jacket - "Snack time!" or "Here are your boots - they need to be on so we can go out" and so on. Do not give him the chance to fly out of himself in the face of a change (and make sure that you are indeed home most of the time with strong predictable rhythms as a base for being able to go out) (and never mind that your home is so small. Much of the world's population live in very small, cramped housing and do not have American expectations about space needs - a tiny child is just fine in a small home.) Phlegmatic, heavy, inert children need warnings; melancholics who worry and fret need warnings; out of control children, cholerics and sanguines do not need warnings as they can spin out of control in the interim.

 

* Be careful about waiting for a child to finish crying and screaming - there are definitely times and situations where this is advisable but your child is so young and so out of himself that I do not advise this. Instead, use distraction. In a very soft voice, start to muse aloud about the birdie's nest we saw last week or Mrs X, the lady selling newspapers in town - "Hmmm..... I wonder if those little tiny birdies can fly yet? Mama and Papa bird must be very busy feeding them..... Do you know the other day I saw the Daddy bird getting a HUGE BIG worm from our lawn......" or "I wonder how Mrs X is? I like to say hello to her when we get our newspaper. I think it must be fun to work in a newspaper shop - all those newspaper and people coming in to say hello and get their papers..." The point is to start weaving a story about nothing much at all - but about something your child has been involved in. Don't ask questions with an aim to getting an answer - ask rhetorically. Muse. Wonder. Think slowly aloud. Do not pay too much attention to him - but wait for the right moment to say something lie "Let's go and see". Extend your hand and take his or pick him up. Do not refer to anything that happened before. Keep on softly talking about the bird or woman in the shop. Think "pouring healing balm on troubled waters". Or talk about what you're going to have for supper tonight and muse aloud about chopping veggies and sifting flour..... and start to get out the ingredients. Keep your heart open and silently invite him over - he can join in or perhaps just be near you as you work. Perhaps he can sit on the counter and nibble a piece of celery. But as soon as he reaches to empty a cupboard, down he goes. "You may sit here but you may not open the cupboards." If he starts to scream again, keep your cool. Keep talking about what you're doing. Pick your moment - "Would you like to sit here next to where I'm working?" Don't say anything about the cupboard - he knows. But.... he might still feel compelled to reach again..... and so back down on the floor he goes - lovingly and gently - but firmly with no messing and NO AMBIGUITY about your expectation of his behavior on your part!

 

* You just can't expect to change the diaper of a (large) child who is still in the vestiges of a tantrum - it just can't work! Either you have to have planned it for before potential conflict comes or just let him be. Don't lurch from one fight to the next!

 

* I hate to say this because I know how it can sound and feel.... but you simply cannot "give up" with anything in any way with a child of this age. It is tantamount to saying "You have defeated me and I cannot parent you". A child can experience this as abandonment and that is the root of rages and tantrums (in a different child, one sees withdrawal). I DO NOT say this to make you feel guilty - although I know that I risk this because this is heavy stuff. But it is SO important - and you've taken important steps - I know you want to take more. Read what I say and try to imagine me patting you on the back or giving you a hug - not "getting at" you!!

 

You have to figure this out. You are a strong and capable woman and your son is a tiny 3 year old child. I don't care how physically strong he is - you can do this. You need, however, to work sideways and not in direct fighting mode with him. You MUST figure this out - now. He will only get bigger and physically stronger. And an out of control 3 year old can evolve into an out of control 4 year old and so on and it only gets worse. He NEEDS you to parent him - firmly and lovingly but with no nonsense. None. If he has to be naked outdoors all day because you find it too hard to wrestle him out of his diaper, then so be it. Whatever you need to do - do it. You MUST get the upper hand because it is entirely unfair for such a tiny child to feel he can overwhelm and dominate his mother.

 

This is strong stuff. I hope you know that I say it with warmth and compassion - and never any judgment. But I am dead serious about this. You must create a homelife where there is not a sliver of doubt about who is in charge. Your little fellow needs the security and strength of a strong mother who can carry and hold things so that the rages and sensitivities he has do not overwhelm him - which is what, I suspect, is happening. I know how hard this is - I have two very, very strong willed - and physically strong - sons. You must dig deep inside and find your strength.

 

Questioner:

 

I just absolutely sighed a huge sigh of relief when I read your post Donna!! Thank you so much! This is what I have been looking for! I have been so sure that I don't want to be an authoritarian parent but so unsure what to do to discipline and be in charge of the situation. I have always known that I do want to be doing something, I do want to be in charge, but my son has been so full throttle that I've had a hard time being ahead of him. I have tried reading various books on disciplining and haven't found anything that resonates with me. I have read bits and pieces about disciplining in various Waldorf books and nothing has seemed to be adequate for our situation. I keep telling my partner that we must get ahold of this situation and figure out what we are doing because it is just going to get worse. I do believe that it is out of control and I have seen what happens if it is just left to escalate as the child grows older!

 

Forum Member:

 

We too went through similar ROUGH times when our son was 3year old. At times he was so out of control all I could do during his episodes was to sit with my arms and legs around him, holding him, until he reached a point where he was calm enough so he could not hurt anyone. During one episode in particular, he even arched back and head butted me busting my lip!

 

Donna’s description of "fly(ing) out of himself " was exactly what it was like, he really had no control over his feelings or physical being and I had to enclose him with my body and funnel some of the energy he was releasing. During the whole "hug" I tried my best to remain calm, not take it personal and take deep breaths that he could feel. Once he began to calm, I could feel his breathing become in sync with mine. By the end of the whole ordeal we were both exhausted, but he was in a much better state.

 

For us, it took several long months to work through the rages, but they finally did subside. Now at 5 years old he only occasionally flies out of himself. He will still stomp around pouting if his feelings get hurt or if he gets angry because something isn't going his way, but never to the degree where I have to restrain him. Now all I need to do is draw him on my lap with a hug and he will usually through the tears start tell me how he is feeling. He still has difficulty expressing himself when upset, but he's not physically like he used to be.

 

Donna did not mention her discipline audio download, but I found it EXTREMELY helpful, even to this day. If you have not downloaded it, I highly suggest doing so. It discusses many of the items she listed in her reply, but goes into greater depth with more examples. The best thing about the talk is I can listen to it over and over and over again until the quick thinking ability to deal with a difficult situation is almost automatic. Like she says we really have to BE in control and that takes knowing how to respond QUICKLY when these situations happen... not so easy to do when we're still figuring things out.