The Homeschool Journey

Protecting the Heart of the Home

When our children are little, it can be reasonably easy to create the kinds of rhythms and forms in our homelife which support their growth and which nurture our family relationships. Having sit-down meals together, saying a verse or blessing at meals, making time for bedtime stories, creating space for cuddle time in the afternoon...all these things support our family relationships. And when we've had a bad day or a child is being especially difficult, our familiar "rituals" (for lack of a better word) provide meaning and warmth.

 

As children get older, however, it becomes much more challenging to sustain and create such forms. The outer world calls more and more - and this is quite literal if one has allowed one's children unrestricted access to computers, cell phone, and other forms of electronic communication. This is an issue that one needs to think about way before one might expect - and if anything, this issue will grow in the future, not diminish! "Conventional" parents give their children such things at incredibly early ages (why on earth does an 8 year old need her own cell phone?!) and so if your child has friends who use these things, it will become an issue in your home.

 

My basic "line" on this issue is "don't do it" for those with children under 14. Just say no. No computer. No cell phone (ok - I know that's a hard one for those who do not have land lines). No hand-held texting contraptions.

 

So the point of what I want to address here is how to deal with this issue with our high school aged sons and daughters. It is indeed time for them to deal with the wonderful world of instant-everything and find their way. They need to have internet access for their school work and they need to have ways to communicate with their friends. But they do not need to be without boundaries. Nor do they need parental wilting to allow their communication devices to impinge on family relationships.

 

Here's an example. A friend of mine told me about the situation in her home. Her 16 year old daughter has a cell phone as well as her own computer. This young lady and her sister both go to high school - so they need to get up, get dressed, eat their breakfasts and get themselves generally organized for the day. They also need to spend time with their mother, talking about the day ahead and generally having a calm and peaceful start to the day. But my friends' daughter has taken to e-mailing her friends in the morning as well as texting back and forth with her boyfriend. This has the result of taking away from the family time in the morning which my friend feels is crucial to a healthy start for her children's day. How to deal with this?

 

One issue here that makes this especially tricky is that my friend has already put some limitations on her daughter's computer and cell phone time (ie no texting at 2am!! Uh - sounds like a reasonable boundary to me!!) and this girl will definitely view any further boundaries as "mom getting at me." Well, I am not one to shy from suggesting strong-arm tactics with children and teens when necessary - they sometimes need something hard to  push against as well as a loving and metaphorical kick in the pants - but here it seemed counter to what my friend was trying to achieve to enter into a conflict with her girl. The point is that she wants her daughter to appreciate those precious moments in the morning where the heart of the family is valued - by each member of the family. If she just banned phone and computer use before school, the girl will just be sulky (at best) and not exactly be in the right place to benefit from family togetherness before each member starts her own day.

 

So what I suggested to my friend was that she announce to both daughters that she felt that since they were all so busy and often did not have meal times together at night, that she wanted to make a special effort at breakfast for the three of them. She was going to get up a bit earlier than usual and fix a hot breakfast for them all - wouldn't that be nice now that it's getting colder? - and wanted to know how the girls would like to make this a special time, just for the three of them. I encouraged her to think about lighting a special candle; getting the girls to collect flowers or make a special effort to make the table nice: and even for them to take turns choosing something inspirational to read aloud to the others to make that start of day extra special.

 

My hope (my friend hasn't tried this yet) is that her girls, who are definitely people who appreciate and respond to beauty and love and who will undoubtedly be enthusiastic about this, will really take this up and help their mother deepen their relationship to this important part of the heart of their home and family life. My hope is that the girls will clearly feel how important this is - and that this will translate into them in themselves not wanting to disrupt their family mornings by outside interruptions ie by texting their friends and so on.

 

It can be so easy to let our forms and rhythms slip when our children are older. To some extent this is natural and to some extent it is fine....but only if the core is solid. And that core needs to be continually renewed and enlivened by our conscious attention to how we nurture and support the heart of our home. Teens are sensitive to this - often way more than they let on. And the way to really kindle warmth in our homelife is to keep boundaries clear and to involve teens in our efforts. Our ensouled and warmth-filled homelives are a gift to our children - let us protect this gift and not allow the unending pull of everyday life to encroach upon it.

Lisa and Family Hit the Road

As many of you know, most of our Christopherus consulting work is done by Lisa Marshall and Barbara Benson, two very experienced Waldorf homeschoolers who, between them, have 8 children and - well...many, many years of parenting and educating under their belts! Both Lisa and Barbara are moderators on our on-line  discussion forum and provide a wealth of knowledge, support and friendly advice there. I thought, though, it would be good to help them become known beyond the intimate circle of our discussion forum and thus have asked them to occasionally write entries here on my blog, so that you all can "meet them".

 

Here is the first of these guest entries. The following was written by Lisa and describes her three months on the road in a rather small camper (I saw it when they rolled into Viroqua to visit me - believe me, it was really small!) with her family and large dog. So many times one picks up a magazine or paper only to read of the horrors of even being in a car for an hour or so with children - and here Lisa and Geoff spent 3 intense months with theirs - and they are all still alive and from what I can gather, happy, fit and nurtured by their time together. How did they do it? Can children really be wonderful to be with and can one manage to create forms and rhythms which make life on the road bearable? Read on.....

 

 

Our Life on the Open Road

My family of five plus one large neurotic Collie dog, recently completed a 3 month road trip around the United States.  I am often asked what our daily life looked like during this time and how we were able to survive such an intense period of togetherness in what can only be described as extremely close quarters.   How does one home-school and maintain rhythm and sanity while traveling?

Our 1966 Airstream trailer sleeps 2-3 comfortably but there were 5 of us not including the dog.  There are two twin beds in the mid section of the trailer with storage compartments above and below.  At the front of the trailer is a little couch that opens up to a double (sort-of) bed.  This is called a "Gaucho".  The 3 children shared the two twin beds.  Most often the girls shared one bed and my son and the dog shared the other.  The Gaucho was for me and my husband Geoff but invariably we were joined at some point by my son and/or the dog.  Sometimes I think a tent would have been more comfortable!  There is a little bathroom with a toilet, sink, and small tub, at the back with a curtain hung up for privacy.  Each child had his or her own clothing storage compartment except for underwear and socks which were kept together in two bags.  When one child got out socks and underwear, she or he was expected to get out the socks and underwear for their siblings as well.  I also had a drawer and Geoff had his own closet.  We also brought along a few carefully selected toys, a bunch of craft and handwork supplies, and way, way too many books.  Along the way, we accumulated a number of rocks and "special" sticks that seemed to mostly end up in my son's bed!  It was difficult to keep everything tidy, organized and accessible but for the most part we managed.  The little kitchen is in the front with a 3-burner propane cook top and a decent sized oven.  Food storage was the biggest challenge.  We had one tiny refrigerator which had to hold all our perishable food plus raw chicken for our dog and also keep a few beers cold (a necessity).  I learned to serve any large, leafy vegetables first, just to get them out of the way.

At home we have different routines for weekdays and weekends.  On the road, we had travel days and camping days.  Travel days had a very predictable routine.  After eating breakfast and getting dressed, the children practiced their violins and did their travel day chores such as filling all our water bottles with water and putting them in the car while we did dishes, checked e-mail (when available), planned our driving route, etc.  As check-out time neared, Geoff and the children would work outside while I got busy inside.  There are a series of tasks that need to be done to get the trailer unhooked from water, power, and sewer and hitched to the car.  Geoff had the children trained to assist in these tasks which they enjoyed very much especially cranking the trailer hitch up and into place.  Inside, everything needed to be stowed in such a way as to prevent things from falling down and breaking especially on bumpy roads.  An old trailer can be quirky.  We learned which doors could be counted upon to stay shut and which needed something heavy propped against them.

We tried not to drive for more than 5 hours in a day.  Mornings in the car were quiet.  The girls would often do a math page or two and read their books.  My son would look out the window and chatter about the things he saw, or look at a book, or create miles and miles of finger knitting.  Lunch was usually a picnic at a rest area.  Not until the late afternoons when boredom and restlessness were at their worst, would I read aloud or put on an audio book.  Sometimes we had lovely talks and sang and laughed together.  Sometimes we fought, especially when it was getting late and we would get lost while looking for a place to eat or camp.  And through it all, there was the spectacular scenery unfolding before us as we traveled across the vast American West.

Camping days were the most fun of course.  The first day at a new campground is always exciting for the children as they explore their surroundings and get to know the neighbors.  This would give us a chance to catch up on trailer maintenance, laundry, e-mail etc. If we were at a national or state park a stop at the visitors' center to pick up maps and chat with the Rangers on the first day would help us plan our stay.  Most parks have Junior Ranger programs with little booklets for the children to complete to earn their Junior Ranger badge.  The quality of these programs varied but they were, for the most part, well done and our children enjoyed learning about each place and earning their badges.  We tried to get at least one good hike in at each park.  One has to be careful not to overdo hiking with children.  Ours are fairly agreeable hikers, but even so, if we tried to do too many hikes or put in too many miles in a day, we faced mutiny.  On a day when a challenging hike is planned, we found it best to also plan an ice cream or pie for afterwards, not so much a bribe as an incentive.

Evenings at the campgrounds were the best times of all.  Often, the girls would play their fiddles and other campers would come over to compliment them on their playing or to meet our dog.  Our son would be busy gathering sticks, digging holes or plowing roads through the pine-needles, maybe even building a campfire.  I would fix a simple supper in our trailer kitchen which we would always eat out doors unless it was pouring rain.  Most nights, just like at home, I would read a bedtime story while Geoff washed the dishes and often I would fall asleep while singing to the children.

On paper, our rhythm was quite chaotic and at times it did feel that way.  On the whole however, there was a good balance of out breaths and in breaths, regular meals, story and bedtimes, warmth and good humor which sustained us.  We didn't have much alone time.  Every other day or so, I would take the dog out for a long walk early in the morning and get a little quiet time to myself.  Geoff ran several mornings a week and accomplished the same thing.  The children would find their own ways of having quiet time provided we didn't over schedule our days.  Couple time was the hardest to come by.  I had imagined many nights sitting by a campfire, just the two of us, gazing at the stars while the children slept, but too often we fell asleep with them or it would start to rain when the sun went down.

It has been four months since we left Florida and we are more than ready to get settled in our new house in upstate NY.  Once we are there and we resume normal life, we will try to remember the lessons of our time together on the road, to appreciate the natural world, to take the time to get to know regular folks, to make room for down time, to not accumulate too much stuff, and that home is wherever your family is gathered together.

Launch of the Madonna Cloak Project

Now that our new website is up, we are pleased to announce the launch of the Madonna Cloak Project, a new initiative from Christopherus aimed at supporting  stay-at-home mothers and challenging the creeping assumptions that care of children by their mothers (or fathers or similar loving adults committed to that particular child) is in any way replaceable by child care providers. This assumption has made in-roads into Waldorf early years education, not just mainstream education, and one aspect of our work will be to challenge this assumption and try to discover anew what the true needs of modern-day children are.

 

We also hope eventually to create support groups where mothers can meet other mothers and receive support to parent their children and ensoul their homes in the best way possible. We extend our support to those mothers who cannot stay at home with their children as well and we also recognize the need for good home-based childcare - but childcare firmly based on the belief that it is supplementary to parenting.

 

Find out more! And while you're on our new website, have a look at other new sections:

 

Madonna Cloak Project

Projects to Support

Homeschooling 101

Waldorf Baby

Boundaries

One of the biggest challenges of life is the struggle to understand boundaries. Everywhere we meet another person, every social encounter we have, we meet boundaries. What is my boundary - what am I comfortable with? What is your boundary - can I understand and recognize your boundary? Will you understand and recognize mine? How do boundaries shift? When do they stand here and when do they stand there?

 

The process of growing up is a process of learning about boundaries. In those three first precious years of childhood, each child learns an enormous amount about boundaries. She learns where she begins and the Other begins. She learns about boundaries of space and time as she learns to stand upright, to move forward, to adjust to the rhythms of life. She starts to learn about social boundaries - what to do when, how to behave. Throughout this time, she is totally enfolded within the Madonna Cloak, that etheric link which binds each mother (birth or otherwise) to her children. Via this link - which can also be viewed as a boundary - a child starts to find her place in the world. She starts in the long road to Becoming Human. At this stage of life, this learning is unconscious - and so it must be in order to provide a firm foundation for later conscious learning.

 

My suspicion is that when the Madonna Cloak is severed prematurely, when children are thrust out into the world and out of the nurturing aura of the Madonna Cloak, that one of the profound things which happens is that they begin to have great trouble with boundaries. Their mother -  their matrix, their foundation -  is not present and they thus are thrown back onto their own resources and own undeveloped Selves to orientate themselves. They must,necessarily, become more conscious in their orientation to life and thus they miss out on some of the foundational basis of their early stages of development.

 

Looking around at the general health and well being of modern day children builds this suspicion of mine. Enormous numbers of children manifest challenges ranging from autism to sensory integration issues, from attachment disorders, to attention deficits. All of these conditions or pictures of challenges have to do with boundary issues. Who am I am who are you? Where do I end and you begin? Am I able to interact peacefully with the environment and those around me or do I feel threatened, overstimulated, invaded? Ours is a society that values early separation of children from parents and which undermines the healthy growth of children by side stepping those kinds of activities which strengthen the child's sense for boundaries - ie physical, grounded, non intellectual and imitative work which involves the whole body.  The highest praise one can heap on a child is to admire how alert, how clever, how conscious, she is.  Can there be no link between the way we as a society raise our children and perceive them and how they turn out?!

 

In the first 7 years each child must find her relationship to boundaries by learning where the boundaries are. By being with mama (or another committed adult family member) a child learns how to be in the world. She learns about cooking, about caring for the home, about taking a walk and visiting neighbors, about caring for pets and a garden....She learns by doing, by imitating and by being immersed in the loving presence of an adult who cares about her as an individual. A boundary she also must learn is the one which lets her know that although she is important, she is not the center of the universe. She starts to learn how to interact socially with others.

 

As she grows, she finds her boundaries between the in and out breathing of the rhythms of her life. Rhythmic play, a well ordered homelife, and an artistic rhythm of sympathy and antipathy as she learns about the world continue, in the second phase of childhood (7 - 14), to help her learn about boundaries. She now has an increased sense of Self and is rightfully moving toward increased consciousness.  She has learned further lessons about boundaries. Childhood games, the rough and tumble of play and of sports, the interaction with people outside of the family, all teach her about boundaries. Parents who discipline clearly and with compassion and understanding help enormously in this. Discipline which is too rigid is as bad as lack of clarity about rules or having parents who give in at the slightest provocation. Children need firm discipline so that they can push up against boundaries and internalize lessons they need to learn.

 

And in the last stage of childhood (14 - 21)? Suddenly there seems to be as much to learn about boundaries as there was in toddlerhood. The question "who am I" becomes more poignant, to the fore for every teen. Intellects can stretch endlessly or seem disappointingly cramped; emotions can soar out of control; and the body that was a friend suddenly can seem an inhospitable and strange place. Now is the time for children-who-are-becoming-adults to be conscious. But so many were pushed into premature consciousness that now they run from it, numbing their consciousness with computers, music, shopping or other drugs.  It can take a lot of time for a young person to heal sufficiently so she feels she can be truly conscious and in the world. Boundaries can help with this. These can be terrible years for teens if they do not continue to find the boundaries that they need. Parental clarity, honest and compassionate communication and firm boundaries for behavior are all necessary for teens so that they can find themselves in relation to the outer world. Without boundaries they are lost. And when one is lost, one often seeks to avoid the pain by numbing one's consciousness.

 

Obviously, the need to understand boundaries does not end when one crosses the great threshold at age 21! As adults we continue to bump up against boundaries for as long as we interact with other people - for as long as we are alive. Who am I - where do you begin and I end  - this question takes on new meaning as we create our homes with our partners and move, sometimes gracefully, sometimes awkwardly, through life. And when we become parents?! All I can say is that if we don't consciously address these questions, if we don't consciously strive to understand the new boundaries that surround us, then we are sunk! Those boundaries, instead of being social guides, can become prison walls. Where do I begin and end and my husband, my children, begin and end ? Who am I? Who am I as me? Who am I as a spouse? Who am I as a mother? We must be conscious about these questions and face them with candor and honesty.

 

Being clear about boundaries is critical to our well being. But in adulthood there is a change - there is no one to give us boundaries or to define them for us. We are alone. Sure - we have our partners, our friends. But ultimately, it is down to each of us to answer these questions for ourselves. And now, in the freedom and full consciousness of adulthood, we can truly look within and find the larger outer worlds, the spiritual worlds, where we can find the answers to some of our questions. In our "lone-ness" we can now find that which connects us, across the boundaries, to the divine in all of life. Boundaries can take on a new meaning. But we must be fully conscious in our humanness to do this work.

 

Then the answers which we find can bring meaning and fulfillemtn to our everyday lives, as we struggle to identify, meet, embrace and understand boundaries.

A Change of Clothes

Recently, in church, I sat considering why it is that some parents do not insist that their children dress nicely for church. Obviously, there are issues with getting up late, avoiding an argument and so on....but I wonder if perhaps as well, some parents just don't think it's an issue. Or that anyone who requires that their children dress neatly for special occasions - like attending a house of worship - is somehow out of date or out of touch.

 

Not giving a hoot whether I seem out of date, I consider issues like these. And, having two obstreperous and opinionated sons, I know exactly how difficult it can be to make such demands. But I also know that it is worth it - for parents and, especially, for the children. I expect to see my children appropriately dressed for the occasion - whether the occasion is exploring a wood or going to church. This isn't about "what other people think" - it's about learning to behave - eg dress in this example - in a way that is appropriate for what is being done.

 

What does it mean to dress appropriately for a special occasion? It means that one has made an effort, put some thought into one's appearance and risen above the everyday. It also means that one has given outer expression to an inner gesture. For me, dressing neatly and nicely for church has nothing to do with conventions - it has to do with preparing to be receptive for a spiritual experience which does not happen every day. I have no problem with children dressing messily, eccentrically or absurdly (other than health considerations in very young children) most of the time, especially when it comes to teens. But when something special is happening, the outer - especially in children - should be in line with the inner. There is a unity here that needs to be learned - and, as we know, children learn best through experience, not through verbal exhortations or reasoned arguments.

 

On those rare occasions when my family attends a play or a concert or when we go out for dinner, we make an effort. No jeans with holes. No t-shirts with silly slogans or pictures. Hat off at the table. Not the sneakers covered in mud, thank you.... and so on. My sons are 15 and 17 - and even if they don't always agree with what I and their father expect with regard to how they dress on these occasions, they respect us enough to acquiesce. And that too is an important life lesson.

 

And yes, I have had plenty of arguments, over the years, with my sons about this. So what? The dynamics of family life are never smooth. We learn through disagreement as much as we learn through agreement - maybe more. My sons are new to this life - I have been around the block a few times, I am their mother and part of my job is to impart values and expectations to them. Later they will use these to form their own values and expectations of life.

 

 In addition to "best clothes" and "decent clothes" my sons have always also had "play clothes" or, as they got older "everyday clothes." Here is a boundary - you wear these clothes when you play out in the mud, and then when you are finished and come in, you wear these clothes. And these clothes are for special times - visits to grandma and so on. Accepting "dressing nicely" makes more sense when there are other gradations of clothing as well.

 

Little children do not come into the world with boundaries - they need to learn these. They need to find out what one does when, how one does it, and who they are and who everyone else in their world is. Just as the rhythms of in-breathing and out-breathing help a child find a balanced relationship to the active and quiet times of his day, so the wearing of certain clothes for certain times constitutes another boundary, another way - without moralizing, shouting or nagging - for children to learn appropriate behavior and to know where they are with tihngs. If we are wearing our nice clothes, then we know that we use our quiet voice and it is not the time to climb trees. If we are wearing our play clothes, we know that pretty much anything goes. Sun hats for summer and warm hats for winter (or the rest of the year for very young children) further help a child understand her world.

 

 So many parenting problems stem from issues with boundaries and expectations. By establishing clear rules about how we dress for various occasions - including when the children are allowed to eventually make their own choices within the acceptable framework - then we side step so many areas where arguments and angst can fester.  And, critically, this helps set a boundary for children to push against.

Which is why I do not believe that one should abandon such expectationswith ones teens. After toddlers, teens need boundaries to push against more than anyone! The boundaries are obviously different - and in-depth explanation and discussion with ones teens about boundaries is enormously important whereas with a toddler life "just is as it is" , verbal discussion being positively harmful. Just as toddlers are exploring their world in their toddler-fashion, so teens are exploring their rather larger and very much scarier world. They too need boundaries - "I am sorry dear - that shirt is just too low cut to wear to the restaurant... put on a different one or put something over it." And of course, one should at the right moment then have a conversation with her about why she feels the need to display her breasts for all and sundry to observe....though probably in the middle of getting ready to go out isn't the best time!

 

There lies her boundary . She has something to push against instead of experiencing the void of the Parent With No Opinion. She is experimenting with her sexuality, with peer expectations and with her own expectations - and she needs to know yours as well. She needs to know what you think and not to be left thrashing about with no moral compass.  She needs - even if she gives no indication of appreciating - your calm but clear thoughts on how, in this example, she dresses. One must speak with respect, kindness and A LOT OF HUMOR - but your teen needs to know what you think about such issues as revealing clothing and sexuality.  Phooey on all those popular notions of "that's just what teens do" and "you're disrespecting your teen if you question her choices". Rubbish! She has not finished growing up and continues to need guidance - which at times needs to take the form of a non negotiable boundary. Obviously it's sensitive - we're talking about a gentle process here over time, not coming down like a ton of bricks on a girl who has decided to wear skimpy clothes.  We're talking about respect and listening - but also of not absenting ones parental responsibilities.  There's a conversation that needs to be had - probably several. And it takes great tact and patience to find the right time to have them. Further, listening into what your daughter says - as well as to what she does not say - is probably the most important part of this.

 

Finding oneself in relation to boundaries set by parents is a major part of growing up. We do our children no favors by depriving them of this.  We need to be brave and clear in our thinking and communication, whether we communicate pictorially with our little ones or in calm and thoughtful ways with our older children. We will not win all the popularity contests with our children and they will rage and scream against what we demand. But their inner muscles, those parts of them which will determine their ability to eventually navigate their own path in life as free adults, will be strengthened by our ability to set boundaries. The task of parenting - and of real education - is to help the child in the task of becoming more and more human, of developing into a fully formed human being. This isn't to say that babies or children aren't human beings (!!) but if one considers the term "human being" as more akin to a verb than a noun, of "becoming a human being" , as more of a process than a finished goal, then one can see what I mean. Learning social skills, learning what is and isn't appropriate, learning how to behave, is a part of this. And setting boundaries to enable our children to learn is the way we do this as parents.

 

 

 

 

Introducing the Madonna Cloak Project

Over the past year or so I have become increasingly aware of the need that many Stay At Home Mothers (SAHMs) have for support and encouragement. Women on my discussion forum, women who consult with me, friends and neighbors..... I have been hearing over and over again how important it is not just that they themselves find support but that the whole concept of valuing being at home with one's children be validated. And this is not just about mothers with small children - those of us with older children and teens also know how incredibly important it is for someone (preferably mom or dad) to be there at home for them. Obviously, for those who choose to homeschool, this is part of the deal - but being there when the children are there is also invaluable for children who attend school. Being there when they get home. Being there in the evening. Being there on the weekends. Being there so they can get sick and be taken care of properly at home.

 

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I have written a series called Early Years Rants which have attracted a lot of feedback. I have been warmed by the stories shared, heartened and encouraged by the urgings to speak out. And, of course, equally, I have been moved by those who find staying at home challenging (haven't we all at times?), who wonder what is best for their children or who have no choice but to work outside the home whilst acknowledging the vital role an at-home parent plays.

 

One of the most precious things for me about my on-line discussion forum is how I can bring my ideas to the women there and get their feedback. What I love most is that we have managed to create a space that is safe enough that members will voice concerns, criticisms and probing questions as well as express their approval and encouragement. Thus the feedback I get is incredibly useful!

 

And so when I threw out the idea of creating an organization which would have as its mission the support of SAHMs within the framework of Rudolf Steiner's ideas on child development, there was quite a lot of discussion. And there was even more discussion when I put out the name that I have been considering - the Madonna Cloak Project.

 

At the moment, this is the group's name. We had an extensive conversation on the forum about its pro's and con's. For the me, the most obvious con's have to do with it being off-putting to some women, that it might be received as being "too Christian" (or even "too Catholic"). There was also a bit of talk about it getting confused with Madonna the pop star!

 

I completely agree that the name could pose some problems - I was the one who both proposed its use and raised the questions of its limitations. But.... having lived with it for a couple of weeks, I have grown into the name to such at extent that it seems pretty impossible for the organization to have any other name. It IS the Madonna Cloak Project.

 

Here's why.....

 

In Waldorf early years ed, there is talk of an etheric link that binds mother and child together for the first three years of the child's life. The mother gives of her life forces to her child. From an anthroposophical point of view, we know that the etheric sheath (sort of like the vital force spoken of in homeopathy and acupuncture) has to do with the growth forces as well as with the memory - this is part of the explanation of why mothers with young  children often seem to have no ability to remember anything. The child, in his/her first seven years of life, needs to use his etheric forces to build up his physical body - if these life forces are turned toward intellectualism (ie early learning) they are no longer available for physical growth and problems can result (some more obvious than others). It seems that there is a special queslity in this link in these first three precious years - there is a link that is filled with the mother's warmth, love, compassion, care and guidance. This link is also similar to Joseph Chilton Pearce's "matrix".

 

Working with the image and reality of the Madonna's Cloak, we can focus for a minute on the Madonna, or Mary, Herself. Although  there are other sacred female figures from many cultures (Isis and Kwan Yin come to mind), none has quite the same quality of Mary. Her Being and Her role as carrying the Christ impulse is of central importance for all of us, in the continuing development of humankind.

 

Her central role in Christianity is of great importance, obviously. But she also has an important role in Islam as the Mother of the Prophet Jesus. And in Judaism, we find her as Miriam (or Miryam), sister to Moses. Here we can find another expression of the Madonna's Cloak - Pharaoh's daughter takes the baby Moses out of the Nile and Miriam steps forward, offering to find a nurse for the baby. Miriam brings Moses' birth mother forward and he is raised by her - but under the guidance of Pharaoh's daughter. Thus Moses retains his link to the Hebrew people but also is brought into the Egyptian culture by these two mothers.

 

(I should add here that I heard Eugene Schwartz give a wonderful talk in Boulder CO a couple of years ago where he talked about the phenomena of adopted babies having two etheric links - that from their birth mother and that from their adopted mother. I thought this was fascinating - a research question for the Madonna Cloak Project!)

 

Another piece about the Madonna's Cloak of central importance for this new organization is that my sense is that the Cloak metamorphoses into the ensouled home, thus continuing to support and nurture the children, but in a way congruent with their later stages of development. The Madonna Cloak Project is not just focused on the early years - it is about the vital role a mother plays in ensouling her home throughout the years of her children's lives. A forum member helpfully suggested a further phrase to encapsulate this group - Heart of the Home. So it could be that the group becomes The Madonna Project: Heart of the Home.

 

And, of course, there's my passion and my relationship to this work which grows out of my own relationship to Mary. For me, this is something personal, though. MCP is NOT a religious organization. There will be people who have trouble with the name - some will be religious people, some might be atheists. To the former group, my sincere wish is that religious women who do not feel able to join the MCP are inspired by the MCP and create their own groups within their own faith which could have a sisterly relationship with MCP. To the latter group I say also, find the inspiration you can from the MCP and create your own groups if that is what works best for you as a SAHM.

 

Well, I could rattle on about this work all day long! I won't. Let me just put out a few of the core issues that will inform its work:

 

The Madonna Cloak Project exits to:

 

*   Support and encourage Stay at Home Mothers

*   Work to change the belief that childcare is as good as a mother's care and that older children don't need a parent primarily in the home

*   Work to encourage change within Waldorf Early Years education away from including ever-younger children in their care and toward emphasis on mother/child classes

*   Support the role of Motherhood as a full time vocation

*   Support mothers who wish to be SAHMs but cannot do so

*   Acknowledge that good in-home schildcare will always be necessary and encourage its select growth

 

The Madonna Cloak Project arises out of:

 

*   Rudolf Steiner's indications on the development of children

*    Further anthroposophical work based on the picture of the fourfold and threefold human being

*   The wisdom and experience of Waldorf education as appropriate

*   Inspiration from the Attachment Parenting Movement where appropriate

 

At the moment, I see the Madonna Cloak Project mainly existing as an on-line resource. Its website will be a place where people can find out about the need for mothers to ensoul their homes; what ensouling a home might be; where mothers can chat with one another and share their frustrations and their joy. It will be a place for shared resources, research, learning and inspiration.

 

When the time is right, I also see a MCP Leader program, loosely based on the way La Leche League functions. Obviously, LLL is a clearly defined one-issue organization (although its a rather fundamental issue!) and the MCP is much more complex. However, I can imagine that women who step forward to stand in this work could receive training from (initially) me and become MCP Leaders. The role of the Leaders could take a variety of forms - initiating group in their locale for SAHMs and their children; having SAHM adult-only support and/or study groups; offering telephone support to SAHMs.

 

One of the most important aspects of this work would be to make it accessible to all. I envision the website as being a free resource - I also envision free literature and other forms of support. No one should feel they cannot benefit from this work for financial reasons!

 

Which brings me to finances..... initially the group will be supported largely by Christopherus - but to make this viable, money will need to flow in. Once the website is up, I intend to have a page where the accounts can be visible to all - where people can see what the needs are and where their donations are used. There will be a subscription structure; donations will also be sought. Out-reach to low income families will be a priority - without funds it won't happen.

 

There's an awful lot more.... and it could also be that things don't take shape quite as I've outlined here. But I've already taken a few steps forward and feel incredibly energized by this work!

 

Want to help? You can donate money (we will need to pay to have the website hosted and to print the first round of flyers, brochures and literature). You can send me things to put on the website: I need Real Life Stories - how are you coping as a SAHM? How did you make this decision? What is life like? I need photos; I need material for the sections on Homelife; Homeschooling; Children at School; Transitioning from a Career to being a SAHM. I need feedback about experiences at Waldorf schools and with other forms of education. I don't want to start with an empty website!

 

And..... I will be doing a Christopherus/MCP tour of the Eastern part of the US in the month of June. My intention is to give a series of simple child-inclusive act ivies and not-so-child-inclusive talks, mainly promoting the MCP. I will also be available to do workshops for people with older children a la Christopherus work.

 

So get in touch - here on this blog or e-mail me at donna@christopherushomeschool.org and let me know your thoughts as well as what you can offer! And keep an eye on this blog for further updates.

 

Early Years Rant 3

(So if this was a movie, I'd entitle it Early Years: The Rant Continues......!)

 

Do have a read through my original piece on this topic and then the follow-up. There have been many wonderful contributions by readers as well - which I am so grateful for. It is incredibly helpful for others who feel isolated or even persecuted for their beliefs about keeping their children home to have a place to go to read the words of those who have made similar choices.

 

In today's contribution to this theme, I want to address the question: Why might Waldorf early years educators be favorable toward including younger and younger children in their facilities? We know why conventional educators do this (it's better for children; get'em while they're young; better early than late etc). But why do some (and I must emphasize that this is ion no way universal!) Waldorf educators feel this way?

 

I would say that it comes down to the potentially dangerous assumption, either verbalized or implicit, that "experts" know better and can provide a healthier atmosphere for one's children.

 

And I think that this is an incredibly dangerous attitude - where does it end? At what point does someone (and who is that someone?) determine that a parent is not doing a good job and that others can do better? Those of us who are staunchly in favor of homeschooling know this attitude well - whether we are Waldorf folks or not. Experts - the Teachers Union, superintendents of schools, much of the court system, many social workers etc - take this opinion and do all they can to discredit and undermine homeschooling. One only has to hear the bone-chilling accounts of parents fighting a divorce where one parent is in favor of homeschooling and the other  is not to see with whom the legal system in this country usually sides.  One can read articles in many teachers publications and pay some small attention to policies passed by Teachers' Unions and by teachers' professional bodies to know that homeschooling is seen as an aberration at best and totally unacceptable at worst.One only has to hear the accounts of parents who got into some tangle with the public schools and then chose to homeschool and ran into problems, perhaps with a school official who decides to investigate or perhaps with a social worker who got involved to know that homeschooling is not 100% accepted in this country! And I know for a fact it is like that in most other parts of the world as well. Homeschoolers don't routinely get threatened with removal of their children by social services anymore (thanks in large part to the fact that in the '80's homeschoolers did some serious organizing and developed strategies to protect themselves) but.... it is not warmly embraced by many of the people who, in their professed interest in the welfare of children, should educate themselves and their colleagues about the benefits of homeschooling.

 

I have had conversations with Waldorf teachers which run along these lines:

 

Me: So why do you take babies into your day care?

 

Waldorf Person: Well, someone has to.

 

Me: Yes... but couldn't you try to help the mother see the problems she might be creating? Couldn't you help her keep her baby at home?

 

WP: But you have no idea how chaotic some people's lives are - I can provide a really healthy place for the little children and then the parents can learn how to do this themselves.

 

And so on.

 

So my answer - or retort - is yes, I am very well acquainted with the utter chaos that rules in many people's homes. But I am also well acquainted with the incredibly empowering process of helping a parent feel like she can actually provide the best for her child and get her homelife and act together! What an utter transformation I have witnessed in people - and how utterly strengthening that has been! My happiest moments in my Christopherus work have been when consulting relationships have ended because the client no longer needed me - she had gained the self confidence and just a handful of tools to be able to do it herself. How beautiful it has been on my discussion forum to read the heart warming struggles mothers have shared as they coach and encourage each other to work through their challenges.

 

And what is more important in adult life than to learn how to do something oneself? Can there be anything more important than for a mother to be validated in her ability to create the right kind of family life to support the needs of the people in it? Isn't human freedom about learning for oneself - and not relying on others? And can there be any realm of human life more important for people to feel empowered than in their family relationships?

 

So I have told my Waldorf early years friends my position. I have told them that while I can see the wonderful benefit from the examples they give and from the parent education they share with the parents of the little ones who come to them, that this is a world of difference away from teaching mothers with their children. To remove the children and effectively say "here - I can do this better - watch me" is, in the end, no matter how compassionately and gently said, wrong. And I don't care how much of a mess those parents are making!!! They remain the parents of those children and they need to learn how to be with them. They need to learn to work through their own stuff and the challenges their particular children bring and break through. By removing the children, one does not get to the root - sure, some parents, through their efforts, will learn to improve their parenting skills. But isn't it more effective and much more human centered to do this with the mother and child together and to promote the intrinsic worth of that sacred place which is a vessal for primary human relationships - the home? Mothers need to learn how to be at home with their children. This is a huge need - why on earth else do so many parents frenziedly ferry their children here and there and everywhere or buy them every thing imaginable - to stave off the sheer misery of being unable to cope with the huge difficulties that parenting entails!!  And if, on top of that, they are told by  the very people who are meant to hold sacred the hearth and home, ie Waldorf educators, that not-at-home meets their children's needs better, then those mothers are doubly undermined.

 

Do you know what one of my biggest concerns about all of this is? Teens. Yup - the teen years. If a parent can't handle the early years, isn't helped to develop the tools she needs to be able to be clear in herself and clear with her children (which, in my opinion, constitutes about 80% of the problems that parents encounter in their early years of parenting) then look out - this will return with a vengeance in the teen years. Somehow, there seems to be a lull in the middle years of childhood - children at school are more orientated toward school (which I'd say can also cause problems but that's another topic!) and life can, more or less, be easy at home - and yet no issues from the earlier years have been substantially healed.

 

But the teen years hit and suddenly it's like those parents have toddlers again - "I can't control him" "he is all over the place" "who is this person I am living with" and - most commonly of all - "I can't communicate with my son/daughter".

 

See, I think that if children are mainly in the home in their early years and if parents find the support (yes - from experts - I have nothing against expertise per se - it's how it is used!) to learn how to parent in the best ways that they can, then the hellishness of the teen years can be much reduced. And even if there are still times of hell (I speak as a parent of teens and as a high school teacher and mentor of teens) then at least some communication is possible. One can deal with this stage of life of one's child because one has suffered through all the other stages - in an up close and in your face way! YOu and your child know each other intimately - all the bumps and warts, all the uglyness. AND - all the joy, compassion, grace and love. There are no gaps - there is no possibility of feeling like strangers. One might have issues - every parent has issues with her teen and vica versa - but they are healthy issues which can be dealt with in a human and healthy way. The child - now teen - is secure in who he is because you have provided him the security of your presence and of making all the sacrifices that go along with that. Whether he admits that ot not, he knows this, somewhere in his soul. And no matter what he gets up to, this can provide an unshakeable anchor in a very scary and unsafe world.

 

The teachings of all great spiritual traditions tell us that problems avoided come back in one way or another. Our culture is not one which seeks the long term slow method of healing (of anything). Quick fixes do not work - especially in human relationships. Time, energy, sacrifice, steep learning curves, pain and discomfort are all a part of parenting. Identifying the bedrock needs of children can be unsettling. But little children need to be at home with their mothers. That is a primary need. Our society does not support this, does not encourage this, does not value this. It is a hard, lonely and frightening job for a parent to take on.

 

I wan to end this blog here - and I very much want to encourage comments to move it along. Over the next weeks and months I want to add substance to a number of my assertions - especially this core assertion that littles are best off at home. This is not what Dr Phil or Oprah  or others say - so how is it that I can say it?

 

The other last thing I want to say is that I have plans to bring some of these questions to WECAN (the Waldorf early years association). A  friend of mine is the local WECAN rep and she and I spent a couple of hours in my garden the other day discussing some of these issues. She was very open and very interested. I told her that one of things I am hearing is that parents are very, very grateful for Waldorf mother/child groups - and also how dismayed many are at being considered second class citizens if they choose to keep their littles at home. I told her that when the time is right, I want to make a formal appeal to WECAN to encourage not so much the growth of early years care, but of  Waldorf parent/child groups. I am thinking of ways that other parents who would like to support this move can join me.

 

I will let you know more as things unfold. For now - I need to hear more from you all.

The Gesture of Giving and the Gesture of Taking

Yesterday was Halloween, one of my favorite days of the year. I love the sight of children roaming freely through my town, (even if their parents walk behind or with them or, with older ones, drive along slowly near their children). I love the idea of children feeling safe in knocking on the doors of strangers and being able top express a trust in the goodness of the world that isn't always apparent on a day to day basis when we don't greet those whom we do not know.

 

One of the things I was struck by last night was the difference between a child being given something and a child taking something. A friend was here when a small group of very young children came to the door. She took the basket of treats, knelt down and offered the basket to them to choose from. I watched with interest because I would never have done this - I always give the children their treats. Again, later in the evening, my 15 year old son answered the door. Like me, he selected some treats and gave it to the children, either into their hands or into the bags they opened toward him. Again, I watched with interest.

 

My friends gesture and voice were filled with love and warmth as she offered the treats to the children.  That's not the question. What I really wonder about is the difference between an adult giving and a child taking. It seems to me that our culture, ridden as it is with the primacy of the idea of choice is good period, sometimes does not pause to consider the value of being given instead of choosing to take.

 

There's a subtle difference here. And there is no doubt that there are many times that offering a choice is the right thing to do. But for me, as part of the wonder of something like Halloween, where strangers interact with children in a way that is usually not possible, the gesture of giving  seems to be the right gesture, as opposed to letting the children  take. To be given a gift from a stranger - or a loved one - carries a very different soul gesture than encouraging a child to take something.

 

One of the most important aspects of Waldorf education is developing flexibility of soul in children. In our gestures, words, mood and intention, we as adults carry the ability to help children learn how to respond and intuit into the right mood and gesture at the right time. There is a time for noisy play - an outbreath. And there is a time for quiet receptivity - an inbreath. Respect, gratitude, awe, solemnity and acceptance are all allowed to grow as soul capacities in the child when we find these qualities within ourselves and share them - not as moral lessons - never!!! - but as something that lives in us and which we surround the children with. And so I think it is important for us to consider the small, subtle but highly significant opportunities we have in life to bring different soul gestures and moods to our children. The receiving of a gift - the having to wait in anticipation - is an utterly different gesture than of moving forward to choose and take.

Follow-Up - Early Years Rant

Well, well, well - I have been bowled over by the responses to the Early Years Rant I wrote last month. It seems I have hit a chord. I am honored to be able to hold a safe space for those of you who have made the often painful and almost always lonely decision to stay at home with their young children. Paul and I are looking at setting up a place on our website where we can offer resources and sharing for Stay at Home Moms , whether they intend to homeschool or not. I will let you know what we come up with when we do!

 

For now, I'd like to respond to some of the issues that were raised.

 

One of the things that is flung at SAHMs is that they are doing their child a disservice, are not providing that child with enough opportunities, are not meeting their needs. Kyrie, who responded to my Early Years Rant, mentioned that the teacher who ran the all day four days a week Waldorf pre kindergarten program near her (my emphasis) implied (or perhaps said) that Kyrie was doing her child a disservice not to enroll her/him in the programmed. This just blows me away - it really does. People come to Waldorf education because they seek an alternative to the information-driven accelerated pace of conventional education, hoping for a place of refuge for the tender years - especially those few precious early years - of their children's lives. They find Waldorf and, looking a bit deeper, they see how it has a very profound and comprehensive view of child development which, in a nutshell, seeks to protect and nurture especially those early years. And then within that supposed same method of education, Waldorf is increasingly bringing younger and younger children into the school setting! What a betrayal! What a heartbreaking betrayal. I don't know if that's how you all feel - but I certainly do.

 

When I started teaching, I had already worked for a number of years with children in non Waldorf settings - mainly with impoverished youth and children in play projects in London. I already knew how damaging it was - by meeting the children themselves - for little ones to be shuttled out of the home and into various kinds of daycare situations. I also knew how special Waldorf kindergartens were, having been to one myself (and then getting to study them when I was a senior in my Waldorf high school). At the very small Waldorf school where I taught we had a strict rule - no kindergarten children to be admitted under 4 1/2. Period. This was because we really wanted 5 year old's, but knew we had to be a little flexible. There was strong feeling amongst the teachers that tiny children should be at home.

 

Unfortunately, this wasn't always shared by the parents interested in the school..... When I started up a Mom and Toddler's group when my own sons arrived, it was full and very lively. But then there was this gap - my group only went to 2 1/2 and there were 3 long years before kindergarten. So parents who were interested in Waldorf started to look down the road at the Montessori school, which took children from 6 months (six months!!) of age.

 

This was dilemma! We were "losing" families. So I began a preschool - the Merlin Nursery  I started a program for children from 3 to 4 1/2 (and yes - I wound up with a few 2 year olds!). We were only three mornings a week, for three hours at a time. Within a year I closed the preschool (it later merged with the kindergarten so there was no longer a pre school - the name, however, remained). I could not bear the hypocrisy of the work. Sure, most of the children were ok - but there was one little girl who clung to me the whole time, sobbing. Even for those few brief hours, even only three days a week, this was just too much for her. She desperately needed to be with her mommy. I felt that by ensuring we - the school - did not lose families, that we potentially damaged children and families. We were not supporting the needs of the children - we were supporting the needs of the school (in a limited non creative way).

 

Another story..... a couple of years later I started to do parent education work in support of a different Waldorf school  and ran groups where we all brought our babies and toddlers and I gave talks on breastfeeding, co-sleeping, child development and so on. The women who attended were mainly career women - and they "needed" to get back to work in a few months. So we started having more conversations about "good child care." Seeing which way the wind was blowing, I mainly recommended in-home child care - with the grave caveat that frequent change of nanny or au pair could be devastating to a young child. Then several of the women, who were breastfeeding their babies and co-sleeping with them announced that they were not going to go back to work.... at least "not yet." By attending my group, they had learned ways of bonding with their little ones that helped them see that they did have a choice and that they could indeed stay at home with their tiny children, that being with one's child was as fulfilling as other work they had done - and perhaps a sight more important. Yippee - I was jubilant each time this happened.

 

But there were a few who remained - and so I decided to get a short term part time job at one of the "best" child care providers in Cambridge, where we were at the time, to have direct experience of what it was I was talking about from a differnt point of view. (For those of you wondering about my own children: they were between a year and 4 years during this time. They came with me to the parent education classes and my husband worked part time - he was a homeopath then - so he was with them when I was out).

 

I was hired.

 

Well, I lasted all of 2 weeks. I couldn't bear it any longer! What hit me most was one little boy, a little fellow of about two. I watched him day in and day out literally attach himself to one worker until she went off shift, then have this time of complete meltdown before he again, literally, attached himself to the next. This happened each day. I asked the other workers if he was new - no, he had been there for about 6 months. The clincher then came when one day I hovered when his mother came to collect him. The director of the center was there and I listened as the mother asked her how her son had been that day. "Fine," she said. "No problem at all." I felt as if someone had turned the world upside down. I felt like the little boy in the story of the Emperor's New Clothes - I could see how distressed this child was but no one else could. For that was what really got me - the director of the daycare center was not lying. She honestly thought that this child was fine - that this was normal behavior and that there was no problem. I should add that when I spoke to the other women who worked at the center about their plans for their own children (they awere all young and childless) that every single one of them said they would never send their children to day care and would stay at home with them!

 

OK - so I am making this WAY longer than I meant to - and have not gotten to a lot of points I wanted to touch on. So I shall close with one last thought - hopefully some of you will post responses and then I will be back with more. I especially want to get back to this phenomena of  pre k Waldorf education outside of the home.

 

My closing thought is this: it is time for more of us to be like that child in the story - to speak out and tell the truth of our experiences and observations. We need to speak out about what is normal and what isn't. Too many so-called experts in this country reach their level of expertise without having any contact whatsoever with normal children in normal home situations. It is becoming a part of the deception pushed on parents - and often with the best will in the world - as to what is normal and what children need.  Studying children in clinical situations is nothing like being with children in the slow pace of the home setting. To those of you who know what it is like to watch a 3 year old, happy and content, quietly burbling on the kitchen floor, perfectly happy with just a wooden spoon and a pot, following you around the house and being a delight to be with (most of the time!!) - we need to share what we know. New parents are terrified of being alone with their children - and the present culture of what is supposedly best for children only heightens this. We can reaffirm the need - the absolute need - that all children have to be with their mothers (or another adult who loves them and is comitted to being with them throughout their childhoods) especially during those crucial early years when a new humanbeing need his mother to learn what it means to be a human being. We can reach out with compassion to those women who cannot stay at home and do what we can to help mothers who must work outside the home to find the best solutions they can - but we will not take the position that any "good" childcare is the same as care from a mother. Most of all, we will be relentless in speaking out in Waldorf communities, reminding them of Waldorf''s mission to foster health in children, and of caring first and foremost for the needs of young children, which necessarily means a life mainly in the home.

Early Years Rant

Every once in a while a thread on my discussion forum hits me in such a way that I let lose with what basically amounts to a rant.... Most of my "sensitive spots" have to do with issues having to do with societal  expectations that it is fine, even healthy, for tiny little children to be outside of the home for most of the day, most of the week. For me "tiny little children" are children under 6 years of age. And when this "norm" is within a Waldorf context - which is becoming increasingly common as Waldorf early years works starts with younger and younger children outside of the home, my outrage spills over as I rail against the spectre of Waldorf becoming involved in what is basically an unhealthy practice, undermining a child's development and possibly health and failing to nurture healthy family dynamics.

 

A forum member prompted a discussion on early years pre school and kindergarten schedules - and told us that the Waldorf kindergarten near her had sessions from 10  to 2. The following is my response....

 

But first let me please hasten to add that my outrage is directed at the societal expectation that early years childcare is a good thing. I am always feel compassion when a parent is in a situation where she must send her little one to daycare or pre school - I myself went to daycare from age 2 on due to my father's death and my mother's need to return to work. But it's when people start talking about how it is better for tiny little children to spend most of their time out of the home - that's when I see red! And now that this is becoming part of the accepted Waldorf practise, I fume!

 

Yet another example of a Waldorf program which seems to have lost sight of the needs of children.... sorry to be so damning - it's just getting to be a tediously everyday occurrence.

Programs for little children should be in the morning - and that's that. This is when they are most awake, when their digestive systems are supporting their growth and the outward gesture of being with other people. We in Waldorf talk about rhythms all the time - where is the healthful rhythm of having kindergarten in the afternoon or all day?! Kindie should end at lunch, when the children go home to have a hot meal and then a nap. Period.

But.... parents work and even those whose schedules can accommodate the inclusion of their children still send their little ones away, convinced that this is what they need. And so kindergarten programs, even in Waldorf schools, have now grown into full days. THIS IS WRONG! It is criminal! It makes cranky, tearful, stressed out children and is bad for their health and their development. And yes, there are many who seem just fine. But we are looking at a larger picture of health - and ill health does not always manifest in obvious ways. Sure, children can cope - even apparently thrive. Millions of children all over the world go to day care from babyhood - but is this, in the long run, healthy? Does it foster the kind of human relationships which we want? I would say NO! Yes - children can indeed adapt. But there is no good reason under the sun for policies or beliefs that little ones' needs are better served outside the home.

When I was a girl at my Waldorf school (the Rudolf Steiner School in NYC ) there was no all day kindergarten - that was unthinkable. Even first grade was half day and it wasn't until SECOND GRADE (not yelling - emphasizing!!) that a couple of full days were phased in. Until we graduated in 12th grade we still had two "short days", ending an hour earlier than usual.

When, as an adult, I lived in the UK, we lived in a Camphill community which was one of three such communities in the immediate area (curative communities where we lived and worked with developmentally handicapped adults or children, based on the work of Steiner)  We were the majority of families at the local Waldorf school (the Ringwood school). We were from communities which deeply understood the developmental needs of growing children and so guess what - kindergarten was a half day program (which many of us only used sparingly anyway) and full days were very gradually phased in for first or second graders (you could opt - as we did when my son was briefly there - for half days in first grade). And the entire school, grade 1 through 8, had a half day on Thursdays when the teachers were then able to have a sane time for their meeting, instead of it crowding into their own family lives.

A pre -k program which runs from 10 to 2 is weird in my mind - I can only think that the rational is that people with little ones tend to get out the door slower than those with older children (true, true!) and that there is something healthy about the children eating together. Nice - but I think it is FAR healthier for a family (even if one parent is out at work) to eat their meal together at home.

Rant over.

Sorry - I seem to explode onto the forum when I'm here! But it's these early years topics that do it to me - I feel so strongly about this and see it everywhere. Even Waldorf early years teachers who themselves know that what they are doing is detrimental to little children's health do it.... It's time to stand up and reclaim Waldorf early years education for its health-enhancing effects and not bow to popular pressure.

OK - I'm done....