The Homeschool Journey

Books for Teens

The following is a list of books for teens - as the holidays approach people might be thinking about what books to get for their teenage sons or daughters. This is a difficult age to buy books for - just because they are capable of reading anything does not necessarily mean they should!

 

Most of these books are favorites of my own teenage sons. Some are from the literature curriculum from the Waldorf-inspired high school where I teach. All are really good reads!

 

Younger Teens (13 - 15)

The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter Carson McCullers I am reading this with my sophomore English class. I think the theme of loneliness can really speak to this age group. And there's a great teenage character who, although one would be hard pressed to find someone like her nowadays, is someone many teens can relate to.

 

Cannery Row John Steinbeck The raucous characters in this book are so alive that one feels as if they'll be sitting on the couch next to when you look up from reading! This is another 10th grade English lit choice of mine.

 

Ok - I have to admit I'm a huge Steinbeck fan - so I need to list East of Eden, Of Mice and Men (which is probably my least favorite though many enjoy it) and Grapes of Wrath. The Pearl is quite goos, too - 9th grade English in my school.

 

Another 9th grade English choice is Animal Farm by George Orwell. And then 1984 in 10th grade.

 

Cat's Cradle Kurt Vonnegut Dark, morbid and very funny - either you love it or hate it.

 

Naftalie the Stotyteller and His Horse Sus Isaac Bashevis Singer Poignant and warm stories from a master Yiddish story teller.

 

Various Sherlock Holmes collections Arthur Conan Doyle Who doesn't know these great stories?

 

Short story collection by O. Henry - here's another author I regularly use when I teach.

 

His Dark Material trilogy Philip Pullman These are very dark futuristic stories about the nature of evil and power

 

Eragon and Eldest Christopher Palolini If your child hasn't read these yet, now's the time! Fantasy stories written by a homeschooled teen

 

Bartemaus trilogy Jonathan Stroud My 13 year old tells me these are the best books ever - we wrote these blurbs together and he just couldn't come up with the right way to convey his enthusiasm for these complex, fun, sarcastic and wryly humorous fantasy stories

 

Lord of the Rings JR Tolkien Gotta read these if you haven't already!

 

Harry Potter JK Rowling Ditto (and the last book really is right for about this age)

 

Montmorency series Eleanor Updale Double life of a thief and gentleman in 19C London

 

The Wilderness Family Kobie Kruger I recommend this as a family read aloud elsewhere - an animal loving teen might like to read this himself

 

The Prince and the Pauper Mark Twain Twain's classic about swapped social positions in 15C Britain

 

Harper Hall trilogy Anne McCaffrey Fantasy story about a gilr who seeks to be a bard and her entanglement with dragons

 

Earthsea trilogy Ursula LeGuin A favorite from my teen years about magic and evil and the nature of growing up

 

The Samurai's Tale Erik Christian Haugaard Poor boy becomes a samurai during the time of feuds

 

Eagle of the Ninth Rosemary Sutcliffe Adventures amongst the Celts and Romans

 

The Thief Megan Whalen Turner Jailed thief forced by the king to steal legendary treasure

 

The Giver Lois Lowry A coming of age story set in a dystopia of the future

 

Call of the Wild Jack London Dog has adventures in the Yukon - gripping and exciting

 

To Kill a Mockingbird Harper Lee More 9th grade lit - racial prejudice and a gripping trial in the segregated South

 

Older Teens (16 and Up)

Crime and Punishment Fyodor Dostoevsky Part of our senior world literature curriculum

 

The Stranger Albert Camus Ditto

 

My Antonia Willa Cather This one is good for juniors

 

Anything by Kent Haruf Amazing and poignant modern novels about everyday life amongst everyday people in the bleak West

 

The Bluest Eyes Toni Morrison Painful novel about prejudice's destructive influence

 

The House on Mango Street Susan Cisneros At first can seem like a book for children, this jewel like series of vignettes captures the poverty stricken life of a Latina girl in contemporary Chicago

 

Peace Like a River Leif Enger A moody and compelling novel of life in the Midwest showing how complex real human beings are

 

Andromeda Strain Michael Critchton Sci fi classic of space age disaster

 

All Quiet on the Western Front Erich Remarque Anti war novel from WWI

 

Tar Baby Toni Morrison A love affair between a white woman and Black man rock their worlds

 

The Fixer Bernard Malamud Pulitzer prize winning novel of the horrors of anti-semitism in Russia

 

Ragtime EL Doctorow A lively story with an interesting narrative about the movers and shakers of  early 20C America

 

USA John Dos Passos Similar theme as the above, but more powerful in terms of its experimental narrative and its stark look at injustice and power

Last Year At Home

I can't believe school only started two weeks ago! I feel like it's all I think, breath and do - and that it is Life. How could it only be two weeks old?!

 

Of course, by school, I not only mean my youngest's last year at home - I also mean the Waldorf high school where I teach. I go in every day (3 minute drive, 10 minute walk) though sometimes, like today, it's only to teach one class. Today is Life Skills. I have a group of between 20 and 40 mixed age high schoolers and we mainly focus on things like sex, drugs, relationships and similar fun stuff. Last week we had a visitor from Viterbo University in La Crosse WI who spoke about the ethics of leadership, an important issue in our school where the students are involved in every level of decision-making. As a follow-up, today I am going to play some team building and leadership games with them.

 

That's one class - others are English (Hamlet and creative writing with the seniors); social studies (the Bill of Rights with a mixed age class); and three main lessons spread through the year - poetry (10th gr), comedy and tragedy (a literature class for the 9th grade) and zoology (10th grade).

 

And then there are Meetings: meetings about why someone skipped school or isn't coping with things; meetings with other English faculty to discuss who's teaching what when; meetings with parents to reassure them about the Life Skills curriculum; meetings with other faculty about our relationship to the larger Waldorf movement.

 

Oh - and homeschooling Gabriel! Fortunately, as a 13 year old, he is very self organized and independent. He and I meet for two hours every morning and work on various things. At the moment, although I wouldn't exactly say that we follow a clear main lesson pattern, we are focusing on Renaissance history. We'll finish that in 2 weeks and move on to focus on anatomy and physiology. We work on our "focus topic" (ie main lesson) for about an hour - then I give him work to do after I leave. We then do some grammar and spelling together. He then does his own thing with German (a combination of workbooks and Rosetta Stone plus checking in with is Dad who is also learning German); Latin; computer programming; and free reading (novels mainly). Gabriel and Paul work on algebra together and Paul also gives him piano lessons. That is the bulk of Gabriel's schooling this year.(later this year we will also do geometry, physics, chemistry, geography and hope to get our history studies up to modern times).When I teach main lessons at school later this year, he will work with his dad as well as on independent projects.

 

So it's a stretch and we're all very busy (did I mention I also carry the Children's lessons at our monthly Christian Community gatherings?!).

 

Oh yes - and a little thing called Christopherus! Yes - that too! Gabriel helps with that - we should have a stamp for the envelopes "packed with care by a homeschooled boy!" Actually, we're now looking into farming out our book shipping part of our business to free us up more for writing and consulting. That will be a scary but exciting change. And then I should be more able to write up some of the things I am teaching Gabriel and at the high school into books to sell to you all!

 

Anyway, the point of all this is not to shock you all into thoughts of "how does she do it?" but rather into giving you all a picture to show that, with flexibility and cooperation, all things are possible. And, most importantly, that as children get older, they need to become more and more independent in their studies. No - it doesn't look terribly much like what happens in a Waldorf school, but it arises out of Waldorf and it works for my family. It meets my sons' developmental need to be involved in his own education and in decision making - as well as being part of a family which depends on his involvement in our business. And I think those are incredibly important Life Skills lessons!

 

 

Friendly Teens

It always amazes me - and saddens me - when I hear about or read about parents who have no idea who their teens are, who cannot communicate with them or who are at a loss as to how to interact with them. What is more tragic, I suppose, is that this is considered the norm. Teens are usually portrayed as sulky, unfriendly, unhelpful and only interested in the latest technological gadgets. but I see a whole different picture of teens.

 

I am no naive person wearing rose-tinted Waldorf or homeschooling glasses - I have worked with teens for many years, in many different settings, including a group home for delinquent girls. So I've seen teens at their worst and their best - and their most vulnerable. And I readily agree that there are some pretty alienated and tragic teens out there - maybe, sadly, even the majority of young people in our country. But my point is that this is not inevitable. Just as it is not inevitable to have rude, loud and hyper 8 year old boys, it is also entirely possible to raise teens who are content, sociable and pleasant to be around.

 

Magic formula? No. There are so many factors involved here. A few really vital factors, in my opinion are: making sure that the family isn't overscheduled and that a parent is home most of the time the teen is at home; having strong and non negotiable boundaries for computer/phone and gadget use; and actively cultivating the ability to listen. That last one is for us parents - it would certainly be nice if the teens would listen, too. But the first and most important step is that we adults model the desired behavior. And while we're at it, we don;'t have a little voice inside saying "look like you're listening to her and then she'll really listen to you!" No. The listening must be agenda-free. We must do it because it is right. And we must trust that this will communicate itself to our teens and that, at some point, they will also learn how to listen.

 

As homeschoolers, I think we are in such good positions to tilt the balance toward a healthy and enriching relationship with our teen age children. If one has been through years of homeschooling together - seen all the struggles and failures and lived through the effort of a self-created life, then the children will internalize that and learn to live not merely as receivers of education, but as co-creators. And if they are co-creators of their educations, then they can be co-creators of their lives. And a teen who is engaged in life and feels she has some input in what is happening is more likely to be a happy and fulfilled person.

 

As communication is such a huge part of being together all the time - as in the homeschooling situation - then a child will learn how to communicate and how to work with his feelings - and witness time and time again how communication  is dealt with in the family and how feelings such as anger, disappointment and sadness are worked with. It may well be that the most important aspect of homeschooling is not so much the wonderful education which we can give our children - but the human gift of knowing how to live with other people. Compromise. Sacrifice. Patience. Honesty. Perseverance. Aren't these all qualities we want our children to have? And if our teens have them, won't they be happier people, a joy to be around?

 

Sure, teen can sulk and rage and be irrational - so what? That's part of growing up. But the difference between basically happy teens and those who are hollow and unfulfilled is that the storm clouds disperse in the case of the former group and do not become an accepted part of their wardrobe. With the latter group this can become part of their persona and, unfortunately, can define who they are or are seen to be.

 

My sons (2006) are 13 and 15. I love to be with them and they love to be with me. We have arguments and fights and tears and shouting. But we also have time to talk through problems and miscommunications, time to chill and just be. My 15 year old likes nothing better than to have his 13 year old brother (who is still homeschooled) and I to wait for his return from school and to "hear his day". Yes - he goes to high school now. It's a Waldorf influenced school which is co-run by the students. His involvement in his education and his life continues now in a larger arena and amongst his peers and other adults. I love to hear his day, I love that he loves to be with me and to share his news. His younger brother is the same.

 

When those despairing days happen, when nothing goes right and you ask yourself how could you have been so crazy to as to imagine you could homeschool your children, just look to the future. See your children as happy teens, pleasant to be with, content with life, engaged in society. Then you'll be able to draw strength from that picture and know that it will all be worth it.

Working Together

My son Gabriel and I have been busy these past few weeks creating a new unit study publication for sale - this one is on the Middle Ages and follows on from the Roman History unit study we already have. As Gabriel is a 6th grader and as I am always looking for innovative ways to ensure we never "go stale", I decided, this block, to consciously work with my son on the creation of a new publication and not, as I've done before, simply adapt things I'd done with him or his brother. Gabriel, who is very interested in our business, has really been enjoying this process.

[Note: since this blog post was written the book has been published]

 

So we looked at the Roman History unit study and talked about what this new one would look like - we discussed what to do about the color pictures. He knows, from listening in on many agonizing discussions his father and I have had about color photos (use them and raise the price considerably, don't use them and lose a lot of the aesthetics of the book) that there are important issues here. We decided on a strategy based on what we've done with our kindergarten book - print black and white in the book and put the color originals on the web site.

 

Then we discussed content - as an avid history fan, he already knows a lot about this historical time period, but we have had many interesting discussions: what would have happened if the Vikings had stayed in Scandinavia? Why did Christianity almost fade away in Europe in the Dark Ages? What does the term "Dark Ages" refer to? What was Europe like during this time? What was it like in the Middle East? What happened when these two cultures met? And, of course, as Gabriel is only 12, only a 6th grader, this wasn't heavy duty analysis - mainly I seek to give broad brush strokes of pictures of life during this time - and then gently raise questions. And purposefully not find answers to all of them - Gabriel knows that as he gets older he will find more answers, deeper answers.

 

So Gabriel has made a beautiful main lesson book - then we decided which pictures he needed to photograph with the digital camera and put on the computer - his Dad will show him how to put them on the web site and write appropriate captions. Gabriel so got into the photographing that he also took lots of pictures from other books he and his brother have created in the past - so at some point soon there will be a lot more to see on the Homeschooler's Work page on our web site!

 

Written work by Gabriel will also go into the unit study - a short piece about a messenger bringing the news to Saladin of the arrival of the latest wave of Crusaders and a review of several books he read. We haven't quite worked out this latter project - I think I will ask him to read or at least look at various books about Joan of Arc which I have gotten from the library  and think about which ones he'd recommend to students using this unit study. He's a voracious reader, so that's quite a good assignment for him. And he has strong but balanced opinions about things like how useful or well written books are.

 

Well, we're almost finished with this project - our next block is on physics and I'm toying with the idea of doing a booklet on that - notes, really on what we did and what did or didn't work. And Gabriel and his Dad will be working on our Christopherus accounts, learning how to use our new software. Waldorf sixth grade math is based on business math so what better way to do it than to directly involve our boy in the our business?!

Maturation of Thought

One of the exciting things about teaching at the Waldorf high school here in town is the opportunity to work with mixed age classes and to observe the differences between the students not only as individuals, but as young people at various stages of their development.

 

I teach a variety of classes, the most lively of which is a couple of weekly "Life Skills" sessions where groups of us sit around in the student lounge, "chill" and discuss issues like "what does marijuana really do to you?"; "how can we find balance in a consumerist society?"; "how do I know when I'm ready for sex"? and many other intricate and important matters.

 

Each week I am struck by the difference between the two groups I work with. One group consists mainly of juniors and seniors (some 18 or close to 19 years of age) and the second group is mainly freshmen with a sprinkling of sophomores and one lone senior (the irregularities of the scheduling of language classes determines which group a student is in). Time and time again, the older students want to discuss the philosophical implications of the topics we're examining, the moral how's and why's, the larger issues. And time and time again the younger ones simply want to know the FACTS. How much pot can you smoke before you might get hooked? What does alcohol do to your body? What is HIV and how does a person get it? And even adding the word"might" in the example above regarding marijuana is frustrating for them! They want formulas, they want black and white rules.

 

From an anthroposophical point of view, these are the years when the young person is searching to articulate the question "who am I and what is my life's task?" It is the time when the young person moves from (hopefully) the sphere of sympathy and antipathy ("I love it" "I hate it") into a maturation which allows for the complexities and nuances of life. This is scary. How comforting it can seem to view life as a series of hard and fast certainties - it is far more unsettling and demands greater emotional and intellectual maturity to navigate the reality of life with all its changes and variables.

 

Working out of Waldorf, out of anthroposophy, can help a parent or teacher guide and support a teen as s/he struggles through this phase of life. As the essence of Waldorf education rests on this picture of the changing consciousness of the developing child, we can find    materials and methods which speak to these changes in the life of our children.

 

Many of you will be familiar with at least the basics of these ideas. Below is a schema I have developed upon reflection on my own work with children from babyhood to near adulthood. This encapsulates my interpretation of the maturation of the thought processes of the growing child:

 

Under 7's - the child accepts what is including that which is imaginative

7 to about 12 - the child accepts what is because loved people (parent/teacher/hero) say it is so

Early adolescence - the teen accepts what is through her own search for truth (sympathy/antipathy)

Late adolescence - the teen accepts what is through his own search for truth (contradictions and nuances)

 

By the phrase "what is" I don't necessarily mean the status quo. Teens, especially, are idealistic and look toward the future. By this phrase, I mean "thoughts", "situations", "models", "possibilities:. I mean to express a phrase which reflects how children in these phases of life tend to think about themselves and their surroundings and how their thought processes mature as they grow.

Review: "The Real Truth About Teens & Sex" by Sabrina Weill

In preparation for the Life Skills class I am teaching at the local Waldorf high school here, I ploughed through a variety of books for both parents and teens on topics such as sex, gender, suicide, and drugs. Good resources are, in my estimation, few and far between - either they are so "street wise" and "way cool" that they assume that every teen is experimenting with drugs and sex or they are moralistic and damning.

 

I took this book out from my local library with great trepidation - the fact that its author was the editor of Seventeen magazine did not endear it to me. I take great exception to the consumerist and thin-biased approach of this magazine (and I don't care how many articles they run saying being healthy is what's important - their models are all thin and beautiful!).

 

So I was pleasantly surprised by this book! Despite the tabloid-style little headers sprinkled throughout ("Teens Tell the Truth!"), the tone and message of this friendly book really is very healthy and affirming. Abstinence - both from drugs and sex - is presented not just as an impossible ideal favored by naive parents, but as a serious choice to be presented to teens in the larger context of family discussions about sexuality.

 

And this is where this book really excels: Sabrina Weill's main reason for writing this book is to help parents think through the issues, plan conversations with their teenage children and face possible scenarios. The book is directed at parents - another strength in my opinion because then you can choose what information and approach you feel will best meet your son or daughter's needs.

 

In terms of Weill's main message she feels should be given to teens, it's "Have a Plan" - I think this is excellent advice and it leaves each parent and teen free to create that plan in the context of their own morals and judgments. It is also a large part of the message I am sharing with the teens I am working with - and it is something that they respect. They want and ask for information - and for the advice of a trusted adult - but they also want to feel that they have the power to create their own choices. I think "Have a Plan" advice answers those needs very well, whether the Plan involves saying no or getting contraception.

Keeping One Step Ahead

This article first appeared in the Homeschool Journey newsletter, April 2005

One of the new and exciting challenges of living in town (as opposed to our former life on our farm) is the phenomena of friends. It seems obvious and was a huge reason for our move, but the situation of our sons suddenly having lots of friends has quickly brought issues into our family life which, well... which I wish hadn’t all come at once!

If computer time is strictly limited to 3 hours a week, do we include in that time computer viewing at friends’ houses? How do we feel about our sons spending time at the houses of people we haven’t met? How late is OK for a 13 year-old boy to be out at night riding around on bikes with friends?

Let’s backtrack a bit. This is a very small town which is heavily influenced by the local Waldorf lower school and high school – so we more or less know what kind of families our sons’ friends come from (though there are always surprises!). It is a safe place – I grew up in New York City, so the idea of 13 year-olds out at night on bikes is pretty radical to me, but seems the norm around here where the heady combination of Spring break and mild weather has had the streets full of children well past dark. And lastly, we do know some – though not all – of the families at whose homes our sons might wind up.

Further information to put our questions into context has to do with our sons’ former and very different way of being with friends. Being so isolated had meant that seeing friends involved intricate maneuvers often with 3 or more sets of parents, carpooling and careful coordination of pick-up times. Here, boys just turn up at the door – it’s quite startling! So coordinating chores around the house, things boys need to do before seeing friends, isn’t quite so easy as when seeing friends was something planned days, even weeks, in advance.

And then, when our sons did get together with others, it would often be for a 2 0r 3 day boy-fest of staying up late, roaming at will through the woods, and only showing their faces for meals. Fond memories my sons treasure are of sleeping out under the stars, ice skating at dawn, chasing coyotes through a cornfield by moonlight... oh, and watching 3 0r 4 videos in a row (not at our house, of course!). So now, when my husband and I say “10 o’clock is too late to be out”, they say “Why?” Yes, well – why? They’re not being belligerent or contrary – it really is a reasonable question given what they were used to. So, now that they are 11 and 13 they, especially the older one, need an answer. “Because I said so” isn’t quite enough any more, and though parents have final say in the Newton-Simmons household, we involve our sons now in most decisions that involve them.

Which is exhausting. Where do 13 year-olds get this never-ending well from which spring the most exasperating questions? And why are we in particular blessed with a son not only with a strong sense of right and wrong but with a philosophical bent that wants to explore all the ins and outs of every question!?

Yes, yes, isn’t it all wonderful to experience the growth of our sons’ intellectual and moral boundaries... Just don’t remind me of that when I’m bone tired at night or I’m in one of those ‘do-not-disturb-or-I-might-do-something-you’ll-regret’ moods!

So there are times when Paul and I (especially me as I was dealt a slightly less full portion of patience than my husband received) just have to say “I can’t talk about this right now. You’ll just have to accept it and we’ll discuss it at another time”. Our eldest finds this galling – but over time he’s realized that this is so, that we always willing to talk about anything – though not always to suit his schedule. And we’ve also worked hard to impress upon him that he will not always get an answer right away, or an answer which satisfies him completely. Life is not about filling in the blank or finding pat answers. Too many big questions can only be answered over time and through life’s experience. Being told this, though, when one is a choleric 13 year-old, is asking a lot of that child: and much of what is required for Daniel to accept such an answer lies in trust.

“Sometimes you just have to trust me and accept that such and such needs to be” I have said to Daniel. I avoid adding the annoying little tag, “and one day if you have children you’ll know what I mean” (though I might think it!) and I impress upon him that a) he needs to trust me and b) some things only become clear over time. I think it shows something of the depth and honesty of the relationships in our family that he accepts that.

And Paul and I trust him: we know he’s sensible and can make good choices and that he’s not going to do stupid things... and when he does do stupid things, he will be able to tell us and, more importantly, learn from his mistakes. So we don’t think he and his friends are going to find the local meth lab or watch porn videos. We know that our boy would find these things repugnant – and trust that he’ll make friends with people who share his values. It’s more a case of “computer-hopping” from one house to the next, not something we’re happy about, but which is, with imagination and perseverance, manageable. And when he does come across life’s unsavory elements – as he must if he’s going to fully enter into the world – we need to trust that the foundation of truth, beauty and goodness which we’ve so carefully cultivated will stand him in good stead.

* * * * *

The following is a brief list of some of my favorite Waldorf-inspired parenting books:

Navigating the Terrain of Childhood: A Guidebook for Meaningful Parenting and Heartfelt Discipline, Jack Petrash

Lifeways and More Lifeways, the former by Gudrun Davy and Bons Voors and the latter by Patti Smith and Signe Eklund Schaefer

Thirteen to Nineteen: Discovering the Light, Julian Sleigh

Between Form and Freedom: A Practical Guide to the Teenage Years, Betty Staley

All these books are available from Rudolf Steiner College Bookstore – www.rscbookstore.com – and probably from Bob and Nancy’s – www.waldorfbooks.com

Extending Play

This article first appeared in the Homeschool Journey newsletter, February 2004

Some of the most joyful moments I have  had as a homeschooling mom have come during our occasional ‘Boy Days’, days when my sons invite their friends over, en masse. To see children of their age - some as old as 14 - playing makes my heart sing. To see them dressing up and improvising and organizing and running around, is just wonderful! One minute they’re soldiers, the next they’re Jedi or aliens, the next they’re voyageurs. Pausing only long enough to troop in and refuel (“Mom, is there any juice?”, “How many cookies can we have?”), these games can go on all day. And by the time the last boy reluctantly goes home, my boys are tired and satisfied in that way which only happens when a deep need has been met.

Our society does not value play - the qualifier ‘educational’ so often has to be tacked on, lest parents or others fear that the activity be somehow a waste of time. Many of you undoubtedly came to Waldorf education because of its emphasis on the value of creative play. None of us needs convincing of the imperative need of free, imaginative play in young children. But what about the older ones? What about the 10 and 11 year-olds, or even older? Do they also benefit from play? How do older children play?

Thirty years ago, when I was a 10 year old girl (give or take a year or two), girls played dress-up as well as with dolls and doll houses. Now? Apparently, the average Barbie owner is 5 years old and getting younger: older girls do not play with dolls. Make no mistake, I’m no fan of Barbie’s, but I think it’s a shame - more than a shame, a crime - that little girls of 10 or 11 are too ‘grown-up’ to play with dolls.

Little girls of 10 or 11 - does that jive with you?  Culturally, given our propensity to speed everything up, are we still able to think of 11 year-olds as little girls and boys? Obviously an 11 year-old is very different from a 6 year-old, able to take some responsibility around the  house, for instance, and beginning to experience growing intellectual abilities as well as some physical changes, but an 11 year-old is still a child and should be respected as such.

I love the film, The Sound of Music. Laugh if you will - and we can all share a chuckle about many aspects of the film - but it shows children who are expected to be children, treated like children, and allowed to be children. Not until she is 16 is the eldest understood to be on the threshold of womanhood. Sure, she’s more mature, grown-up, and is given more responsibilities than the younger ones - but she’s still allowed to be carefree, playful and open to life’s experiences. She’s allowed to play.

OK, so I don’t expect people to dress their children in rompers made out of curtains and, sure, 21st Century America (or Australia, Europe, Canada, Mexico...) is not 1930s make-believe Austria, but still... Do we as parents and adults allow and offer our older children opportunities for play, or have they slid into a regime of lessons, sports and controlled experiences like Scouts or 4-H?

So why is it so important for them to play, anyway? Because play is another term for creative, open-ended and flexible activities, those that summon up the child’s powers of imagination, and create in him the possibility for finding new ways to interact, create and explore. Play is an antidote to the rigid, dogmatic and controlling behaviors which can plague us as adults if we have not had enough freedom to play as children. I wonder how much of the modern adult’s desire for escapist ‘play’ - extreme sports come to mind - is a result of a childhood need that was not met. A characteristic of extreme sport is to challenge oneself and to overcome obstacles - these are also characteristics of children’s play. Could it be that when children aren’t allowed to be children, they then have a hard time moving on definitively into adulthood?

Many children from about 10 and up have little opportunity for play. When school time is over (and that often includes home school) then chores, enrichment activities, sports, reading and time on the computer or watching TV/videos, takes up most of the rest of the child’s schedule. Aside from the computer/TV time, all of these are worthwhile activities, certainly things to be encouraged. But what about play? Do our children have time to fiddle around, daydream, doodle, be bored, make things and play?

Children need ‘unformed time’, time when nothing is scheduled, nothing demanded, during which they are not allowed to watch TV or use the computer. Playtime. And when friends come over, parents can encourage play by not allowing the children to use the computer or watch TV or a video. Those activities are not play! Unfortunately, many modern children have been brought up to confuse media use with play, and you may have to be involved with the children when they come together, helping them form games and activities - something that our parents didn’t need to do!

Having lots of board games available - everything from traditional games like chess and mancala to competitive board games like Monopoly and cooperative games (available from www.familypastimes.com and good toy shops) - is helpful. Darts, pool, archery and ping-pong are all a lot of fun, as is a trampoline and a basketball hoop in the yard.

But none of the above is really in the same league as the kind of unformed play I’m getting at. Games and equipment, like the above, will hopefully get things going and lead to more open play. For this you need things like dressing-up - cloaks, swords, crowns, belts, hats... Bricks and figures (and, yes, action-type figures come in here) are great open-ended toys. In the yard, tree stumps and logs, a plain playhouse or tree house, and old tires are great. And, if they don’t associate sand play with babies, a sand box will still be used by older children.

Another possibility for when there is a group of children is to get them playing a game like kick-the-can, tag or hide-and-go-seek (the book, Hopscotch, Hangman, Hot Potato and Ha Ha Ha: A Rulebook of Children’s Games by Jack Maguire, is a great resource). As I mentioned earlier, one may need to ‘hold’ a group of children, especially if some of them are self-conscious about playing, or have been raised to think that using a GameBoy is play, or that hitting and fighting is play. Help them organize the game and then occupy yourself with something nearby, where you’re busy but still very aware of what’s going on. Gauge how things are going and either step in and smooth rough spots or, preferably, if all is well, disappear and leave them to it. With luck and, if you’ve judge the situation correctly, they’ll take hold of the game and then create something new out of it. This is the aim: to enable the children, out of themselves, their creativity and relationships, to form some new game, some new possibility, some new adventure.

Once upon a time, children had their own language, codes, activities and ways of relating to one another. They played on the street or at someone’s house, and they didn’t need adults to show them how to play. Now their play is the subject of books and studies by anthropologists, and real play has been pushed aside, either by over-scheduling or by the pervasive presence of electronic media. It is a fundamental need of children to play: let’s build families and communities where that need is honored.

(For more about play and the culture of childhood see the great article, Voices on the Green: the Importance of Play by Sally Jenkinson)